Saturday, January 24, 2009

Yankeetorial: Our Stimulus Package Is Not Enough

Over the holidays, we tried to lead America out of the downturn.

It didn't work.

Despite the money we shelled out, our infrastructure remains old and decaying, with glaring bridges to nowhere. The world hates us, the media is fuming, and we are still inching toward collapse.

Think we're too big to fall apart? You're a fool. Here's how it happens.

1. What if Georgie cannot throw? He's coming off major shoulder surgery. If he can't hold runners, we'll burn a month trying to salvage the situation, before resorting to Molina full-time -- and we've seen that movie. From there, what... re-acquire I-Rod?

2. Mariano can't last forever. We want Melancon to be the next Huston Street, but what if he's Hughes/Kennedy '09? We'll lose six weeks anguishing over Mariano. Who steps in? When stars fall, they crash hard on their teams.

3. Jeter is thick in the thighs. We love him. But each year some new wonkie analysis shows the horror of his range. He hits into DPs he used to leg out. Will he need a defensive sub in late innings? Fans won't like it. Jeet won't like it. If his defense goes off the rails, how many games do we lose before Girardi has the stones to address it? If it comes down to an argument between the captain and the manager... who wins?

4. AJ Burnett, Chien-Ming Wang, Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy have the ligaments of Kleenex. Any could go down. All could go down. We think we've got enough to cover ourselves. We don't.

5. What if Robbie Cano is comfortable with mediocrity? That seems clear to everyone in the world except Yank fans. Hope I'm wrong. But I have a mental picture of a guy watching a grounder roll into right field with the season on the line. Nobody else in my memory has that on their resume.

Get the picture? We're drunk on our spending. But Teixiera is not a pennant. The Redsocks gambled on high ceiling guys -- Smoltz, Baldelli -- we need to do the same.

Yes, you all hate Andruw Jones. So do I. Hate his frickin' guts. Hate him for squandering his talent. But we'd be fools not to go after him. We pay the MLB minium. If he shows up out of shape or sporting attitude, so long, sailor. He's a Gold Glove, perhaps the best fielding CF of his generation.

We must sign Andy soon, not let this thing draw out. The longer it lasts, the more possibility that something is said or done that shoots it down. Sign him today. This isn't charity. We need him. He carried us a month last year, our best pitcher. We'll need that month in '09.

We need an eighth inning set-up man. We need somebody who locks down the slot so Girardi doesn't go the season with writers arguing that Joba should return to the pen. We could wreck Joba's career.

This we know: Tampa will be better this year.

There is no guarantee that we will be.


Anonymous said...

Your Andruw Jones obsession is starting to creep me out. Please seek professional help. And not Alphonso.

adam said...

Yes, there is a definite guarantee that the Yankees will be better. What the fuck are you smoking?

Anonymous said...

I'm smoking truthweed.

As always.

Anonymous said...

Please go back on the Zoloft, duque.