Monday, January 12, 2009

'Sam I Am' Missing: Blogger MIA since Lohud appearance! 'Anonymous' sought by Police for Questioning!

In a rather stunning turn of events, notorious blogger 'Sam I Am' has disappeared from his mother's basement, according to authorities from the Hackensack Police Department.

All that was found was an empty bag of Doritos, a half-empty jar of Vaseline and an old Tandy computer on a dial-up connection, with the game 'Leisure Suit Larry' stuck in the floppy drive.

His blog has not been updated since the ill-advised blog entry dubbed "To My Defense", written Sunday, January 4th, in which Mr. 'I Am' made a feeble-minded attempt to defend his outrageous comments from his disastrous Pinch Hitting appearance on Honest Abe's Blog.

While Hackensack detective Jimmy McNulty refused to give comment on the whereabouts of the missing blogger, or who may have abducted him, he did say:

"It comes as no surprise, this guy made a lot of enemies in a short time. I mean, Christ, who didn't know that Sheffield was all Papa George's idea? Cashman wanted Vladdy that off season. Plus, who knew Mike Lowell would turn into Mike Lowell?"

A highly-placed source within the detective bureau, working under conditions of anonymity for It Is High, did say that the commentor known primarily as 'Anonymous' is a 'definite person of interest' to the detectives investigating the case.

"Based on the 60 negative comments written on the blog, it is a fair assumption to say that we're looking real hard at 'Anonymous', he may know the answers regarding 'Sam I Am's disappearance."

One look at the 'Sam I Am' blog is all one needs to determine that Mr. 'I Am' was taken in a hostile situation. Below is a few excerpts from the comment section:

Anonymous said...
Quit Writing, and maybe life too Genius. "Mute Point"
January 5, 2009 1:52 AM

Anonymous said...
An editor can't fix your problems. You need a toe trigger. January 5, 2009 12:21 PM

Anonymous said...
You are doing a complete disservice to bloggers worldwide.This is everything that is absolutely, downright wrong about blogging. People like you are the reason bloggers struggle for credibility.Do us all a favor and go kill yourself while jerking
*** to a photo of Mike Lowell or some shit. January 5, 2009 1:09 PM
Anonymous said...
Enjoy the 46 comments, you'll never see that many again, **** breath!
January 6, 2009 7:23 PM

However, it appears that 'Sam I Am' didn't go quietly, as he tried to put up a fight during his abduction. Below is a few excerpts from Mr. 'I Am', recorded on his blog as the last words he has spoken to the blogosphere:
SAM I AM said...
Attention to all of you name calling low lives:Im not talking to the ones who actually made rational points, Im only talking to the ****** whos primary reason for commentating was to personally attack me.Forget what I said about not stooping down to your level of name calling....I hope all of you **** munchers die a horrible death....Your all a bunch of scumbag losers who have nothing better to do with your lives.Come to think of it, Ill forgive all of you, you were all probably abused by your drunk fathers when you were kids....its not your fault...*************!
January 9, 2009 9:46 AM
Things started to get ugly after this recorded conversation, believed to be between 'Sam I Am' and his kidnapper, 'Anonymous':
Anonymous said...
Even your name calling comment is replete with grammatical errors and non-sensical, **** bull****. Is your *** bleeding yet? Still loving the ****** hat, the douchebag cigar and everything about you that screams "the world would be better off if I was dead." Keep up the great work, *******.
January 9, 2009 11:30 AM
And, Sam's final words:
SAM I AM said...
Hey anonymous,you ********* coward.I hope you die on your mothers birthday
January 9, 2009 12:02 PM
Followed by a cryptic, nasty message from 'Anonymous':
Anonymous said...
SamIamaBagofShit, you're a true revelation. Any way you could die soon?
January 9, 2009 1:20 PM
More to come as this breaking news story develops!


Anonymous said...

Its like that Glenn Frey song from the 80's:

The Heat is On!

I have Sam, tied to a chair, and I'm not letting him go until he promises to kill his blog!

Soon, the torture will start!

unanimous said...

It wasn't me!

Anonymous said...

Pete Abe has wisely advised Sam I Am to join the blogger protection program. He is now milking cows under an alias in Iowa.

Whitey Fraud said...

With that cute hat and cigar, I'm guessing he's in a Village People tribute band.

Anonymous said...

Since when are there so many Anonymous?

Stop ruining my good.

Anonymous said...

The more anonymous comments we get, the faster Sam I Am dies a horrible death!

Anonymous said...


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Anonymous said...

I refuse to give that fruitcake the honor of getting an extra hit for his blog. I hope he does quit. I bet Fat Abraham wishes he could delete that whole post. I laughed harder at that than the RJG post. I'm sure you guys will do great. Looking forward to it! As long as you get a fact or two correct, it can't be any worse than SamIAmStupid.

And I'm posting as anon in honor of this post.

SAM I AM said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SAM I AM said...

Hey guys,
I was just released from my kidnappers it was truly horrible.
They made me read your blog...
I couldn’t handle it anymore.
I would like to thank my friend Mr. Anonymous. For finally turning me in to the authorities.

Seriously children ,get a life.