Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Yankeetorial: Andruw Jones is a no-brainer

The Los Angeles Dodgers not of Anaheim scrapped Andruw Jones last week because he showed Robbie Cano hustle, Lenn Sakata power and a John Wayne Bobbit bat.


But he's still a Paul Blair glove.


Sign him. What can we lose?

He's on the Dodgers' tab. We pay the MLB minimum, which is less than Paris Hilton spends on contraceptives. Basically, we only have to provide the uniform. If he loafs, spits on fans or gives Mike Lupica a pinkbelly, we make him greeter at the coal mine museum in Scranton. LA would happily blow the mine with him in it.


Sign him. We cannot lose.


Keep in mind: This blog has a soft spot for Brett Gardner; he'll surprise the doubters like Alphonso. But this is found money. We get a potential comeback player of the year, a Gold Glover who could hit 40 homers -- or else... pttuii. We spit him out like a bad watermelon seed. We gamble nothing. We give up nothing. We could win big.


What's that? He's a head case? Good grief, we signed Sidney Ponson last year. If he steals Jeter's glove, he's out.


If Jones works, we can stash Garder, Melky and Austin Jackson in the July 4th Roy Halladay Trade Fund.


By Independence Day, Toronto will be five games behind the Miami Dolphins, and trading Halladay will be their only chance at attention. We better have chips ready.


Sign Andruw Jones. We cannot lose.


No-brainer. Come on, Cash.


DO NOT LET SOME SMALL MARKET GM OUT-HUSTLE YOU. GET ON IT. GO TO HIS HOUSE. GIVE HIS WIFE A BACKRUB. SIGN ANDRUW JONES.

6 comments:

Alex H said...

I 100% agree with this signing, especially since it can be done on a minor league deal... see what he gives you in spring training, try him out. If he flops... ditch him.

he can still be a valuable asset off the bench if they choose Brett Gardner.

Anonymous said...

Jones is finished.

unanimous said...

The headline is correct. You have no brains.

Dr. Ruth said...

Don't we already have an overweight centerfielder from the Carribean who under achieved last year?

She-Fan said...

I'm with Dr. Ruth. No Andruw. The Yankees can't afford another binge eater.

Anonymous said...

Lose Nady, Swisher....Gardner in Center...sign Manny Ramirez....nuff said.

Agree with posts on A Jones....he barely his above his weight. He's done.