Arkansas Dead Birds and Dead Fish? Is Cliff Lee back to his old tricks?

Concerned scientists want to know why 5,000 redwing blackbirds fell from the sky Saturday, just as thousands of fish turned belly-up, in a remote state known to house notorious anti-New Yorker Cliff Lee.
The corpo-owned EPA has ruled out a link between the dead fish and dead birds -- though we can think of one: they're both dead! -- but nobody has yet ruled out a link between the massacred fish and fowl and the home of the infamous Yankee dodger Lee.

The pitcher could not be reached for comment. Actually, we knew Lee would check the listing on his caller ID, see that it's from New York, and refuse to pick up. Therefore, we refused to give him the pleasure of not answering our call.

Still, the story smacks of coverup, and so let's ask some basic questions:

1. Where was Lee Saturday around 3 a.m. when the birds fell?
2. What was he doing, and with whom was he doing it?
3. Can he prove his whereabouts during the event?
4. Does he have a witness who can testify to whereabouts?
5. How much has he paid off the witness to lie on his behalf?
6. What's that smirk on his face supposed to mean?
7. HOW WOULD HE LIKE IT IF SOMEBODY WIPES THAT SMIRK OFF HIS FACE WITH THE BACK OF A HAND?

Five thousand redwing blackbirds... dead. Red wing. Phillies?