Here's the skinny: Superflinger Jason Verlander cannot beat us twice, because the military-industrial war machine -- on orders from Hank Steinbrenner -- activated the Secret Weather Destructo Automaton, developed last winter in response to Cliff Lee's wife whiplashing the poor sap into signing with the Philadelphia Frackers.
We own the rain. Last night proved it.
Listen, nobody likes killing penguins, especially from radiation burns, but to make a Western omlet, sometimes you gotta set fire to a Western state. To win No. 28, a few forests need to crackle. That's baseball. Besides, Texas doesn't believe in science, despite a drought so severe that a jug of water will get you laid. They'll have a state prayer day to beat Tampa, which only believes in images of Jesus that appear in baked goods. Has anybody noticed that a series between Texas and Florida is pitting the two most volatile populations of batshit, oxycontin-braced nutcases in the world? (Yes, it beats Binghamton v. Utica.)
Tonite, let's give everybody a jolt of science and juju.
Nova.
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1 comment:
I am from Utica (well really New Hartford), now finishing my residency in Binghamton (so I know the oxycontin population well) and I almost peed my pants when I read this.
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