Leyland is using juju, and to beat the Tigers, we must stop him

Ted Turner's leering cameras last night showed withered Tiger scarecrow/mgr/tobacoo enthusiast Jim Leyland pacing the dugout between pitches, like a condemned man waiting for a call from Rick Perry. He's obviously counting juju steps, reaching power locations and touching his most potent lucky charms (and I am not referring to any delicious marshmallow breakfast treat.) Along with that home plate ump who awarded "MVP" Verlander with an extra foot of the strike zone, Leyland has probably sold his soul.

Tonight, we must knock Leyland out of his rituals, early. We need a foul ball lashed into the dugout or perhaps a bench-clearing brawl. We should pinpoint the giant third base coach Gene Lamont. The guy must weigh 400 pounds. If we exert him, get him farting, Leyland's migrations will be cut sharply.

Tonight... all juju on deck, folks. If you've been saving that juju cap or salt shaker for one critical game, now is the time to break it out.

Don't watch with strangers. Don't invite "friends" to your house. Don't try a new TV set. Don't use drugs. It's possible that the whole Turner network is bad Yankee juju. If so, we're screwed. But we're not dead yet. And somebody has to take out the walking dead wizard Leyland.