Tuesday, January 8, 2013

A-Rod has a note from his doctor, absolving him of his absence in October

The eternal publicity war over Alexander Emmanuel Rodriguez - who in terms of public opinion is currently running neck and neck with brain cancer - has a new player: Dr. Bryan Kelly, hip surgeon to the stars, sez Joel Sherman of the Morning Murdoch. In today's episode, Doc Kelly says the reason Alex pulled an Al Roker last October was the inflamed state of his hip, whose MRIs resemble a Peter Max painting of the Titanic.

In an exclusive interview with The Post, Dr. Bryan Kelly described a patient whose left hip muscles had “just shut down,” becoming so weak that A-Rod had trouble doing a simple leg raise during exams. And, after seeing medical imaging of the hip, Kelly stated he had “no doubt” Rodriguez’s humiliating playoff meltdown was caused by the injury.

In other words: "Please excuse Alex for the first half of the coming school year," the doctor writes, in a letter to Principal Cashman of the Yankee Day Manners School. "I'm advising him to stay home, rest up and drink lot of fluids."

This comes during a monsoon season of tabloid fodder for our man and his ex-pro wrestling iron-pumper Torrie Wilson, who now receive the Justin Beiber treatment whenever they go to the corner store for a new 30-rack of Keystone and carton of Winstons. The other day, they took A-Rod's two teenage daughters - that must have put a gleam in the paparazzi's eyes - for a three hour boat ride. (All together now: The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed, if not for courage of the fearless crew, the Minnow would be lost... the Minnow would be lost.) Somebody shot them with a long-distance lens.

Basically, A-Rod and Jeter are the only players in baseball to be hounded by paparazzi. Nobody chases CC or Robbie. Nobody chases Josh Hamilton - although that could change now that he's in LA. The Daily Mail - (which, considering its love of bikinis, should call itself the Daily Male) - slaps ad-links on A-Rod's shirt and sunglasses, so you can buy the brands. It's all part of an ugly beast that no one can stop. 

Now comes word from his doctor, saying October wasn't A-Rod's fault. It was that dern hip. So when the fans boo, they shouldn't boo A-Rod - or be calling for Youk. They will be booing his hip. 

Listen: I have a problem with booing anybody simply because he got old. Hell, I'm old. Trust me on this: Blink, and 10 years go by. And if any player is being paid too much money, boo the idiot owner and GM who spent it - not the guy. I say the day A-Rod starts jogging out grounders, he should hear loud boos. Until then, he's just another schmuck - albeit a well paid one - bringing a note from his doctor.

In the last two injury-plagued seasons, A-Rod has averaged 17 HRs and 59 RBIs. Over those two years, he batted .273. That's not mediocrity, but it's getting there. His 2013 season won't begin until the All-Star break. If everything is cured, he might hit 10 to 15 home runs. That would put him around 660 for his career - a long way from 700.

He's 37. We have him for five more seasons. After that, he belongs to the paparazzi - that is, if anybody still cares.


Alex Rodriguez said...

So. You think Alphonso will buy this argument?

Parson Tom said...

booooo. can't help myself. if the best we can say about him is that he's a poor schmuck, well, boooooo.

Alex Rodriguez said...

Fantastic! Reggie told me that they don't boo nobodies. I'm still SOMEBODY! Fire up the grill, Torrie!