The mooning of Papi? Dare to BELIEVE

The mooning of Papi? Dare to BELIEVE

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Shocking new report links Arod to .272 batting average and frightening decline in power

BREAKING: A weekly Miami paper today says Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez’ name has turned up on a secret list of major league baseball players who last year batted below .275 and were repeatedly benched for pinch-hitters.

The list was said to be compiled by a disillusioned blogger who calls himself “Alphonso,” and who was said to have sold Rodriguez several months’ worth of below-cost laxatives. The blogger attributed the deals an attempt to “flush” the player from the Yankee batting order.

In response to the expose, Arod today released a statement:

“I wholeheartedly deny and condemn the report. It is completely untrue and inaccurate. I have never batted .272, except once, at the conclusion of the 2012 season. This is all the work of Kate Hudson. She has vowed to destroy me, but I didn't think she would try this kind of deceit. I categorically deny the claim that my power has diminished, although right now I feel as though I would like to lie down. Also, if you people will go away, I promise never to never whatever it is they said I did again."

1 comment:

Alphonso said...

Brilliant. How did you know?