Monday, January 28, 2013
Posted by el duque at 8:00 AM
For example, take gun control. If the national yogurt-tofu squat-to-pee crowd bans our Second Amendment assault weapons, how will Jete ever again sleep securely? I figure he always doses while spooning a loaded piece, and I'm not referring to aerobics instructors. Good grief, if he wasn't known as "El Capitan," John Sterling could call him "The Bushmaster." Take away his firearms, and Jete's BA could plunge 20 points. Then again, what if some aspiring supermodel wakes up in the middle of the night, fingers the wrong gun and goes Claire Danes on our hero? Then we're looking at Eduardo Nunez. It's complicated.
But there's nothing complicated about picking the Yankee-friendly winner of the 2013 Super Bowl.
Baltimore. We need the Rave-Ons to win.
Why? For starters, in the post-game dignitary parade, Ray Lewis will kill somebody, and - hey - it might be Showalter. Secondly, a Raves victory will turn Baltimore greedy. Last year, they viewed the O's as a Cinderella team, and the fans forgave tough losses. This year, the O's will be expected to win, and they'll be the team that is not the Ravens. When Adam Jones strikes out, he'll hear boos. And he better hope Ray Lewis isn't in the crowd.
Thirdly, nobody in America likes the idea of one city winning the Super Bowl and the World Series, unless it's New York with the Yankees/Giants. I have nothing against the city of San Francisco, except I once found a worm crawling in a box of Rice a Roni. San Francisco has never hurt the Yankees. But two championships in one year is overkill. And finally, Baltimore beat New England, forcing Tom Brady to get berated by his wife. They win points for that.
So, now... how do we feel about Egypt's increasingly violent leadership crisis?
My gut tells me it helps us - I'm thinking Arod's less likely to fancy a pyramid - but I'm open for suggestions.