Monday, January 28, 2013

Which Super Bowl outcome will favor the Yankees?

The thinking fan ponders every news event and political issue with one fundamental concern: How does this affect our Yankees?

For example, take gun control. If the national yogurt-tofu squat-to-pee crowd bans our Second Amendment assault weapons, how will Jete ever again sleep securely? I figure he always doses while spooning a loaded piece, and I'm not referring to aerobics instructors. Good grief, if he wasn't known as "El Capitan," John Sterling could call him "The Bushmaster." Take away his firearms, and Jete's BA could plunge 20 points. Then again, what if some aspiring supermodel wakes up in the middle of the night, fingers the wrong gun and goes Claire Danes on our hero? Then we're looking at Eduardo Nunez. It's complicated.

But there's nothing complicated about picking the Yankee-friendly winner of the 2013 Super Bowl.

Baltimore. We need the Rave-Ons to win.

Why? For starters, in the post-game dignitary parade, Ray Lewis will kill somebody, and - hey - it might be Showalter. Secondly, a Raves victory will turn Baltimore greedy. Last year, they viewed the O's as a Cinderella team, and the fans forgave tough losses. This year, the O's will be expected to win, and they'll be the team that is not the Ravens. When Adam Jones strikes out, he'll hear boos. And he better hope Ray Lewis isn't in the crowd.

Thirdly, nobody in America likes the idea of one city winning the Super Bowl and the World Series, unless it's New York with the Yankees/Giants.  I have nothing against the city of San Francisco, except I once found a worm crawling in a box of Rice a Roni. San Francisco has never hurt the Yankees. But two championships in one year is overkill. And finally, Baltimore beat New England, forcing Tom Brady to get berated by his wife. They win points for that.

So, now... how do we feel about Egypt's increasingly violent leadership crisis?

My gut tells me it helps us - I'm thinking Arod's less likely to fancy a pyramid - but I'm open for suggestions.


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National League Umpires Association said...

OK. "Anonymous" who posts all the gibberish has GOT to be Bobby Valentine. Right? C'mon, Bobby. Take off the fake moustache.

Anonymous said...

The fear of germs sounds like Howard Hughes had resurrected .
Ray Lewis conjures up the line -Adam Jones I cut you!
Yankees and Ravens
!? Yankees owned by family seeded in Cleveland. Art Modell moved Browns to Baltimore in the middle of the night using same mayflower corp as Colts
History lesson- Yankees a- hem- Highlanders were originally the Baltimore Orioles in John McGraw years before he skipped crab town
For Coogan's Bluff and Harlem. The NY Giants.
Who can blame karma with the Yanx not matching the Giants in the last 5 years for a crown!!
Who knows if Hardware Hank does not sign Mr Cano and he ends up in Baltimore ???
Melky Augusta. String those pearls together !

Anonymous said...

Melky! Buck is not from Atlanta!!!

Anonymous said...

I want punk 7 49er QB to get a Lawrence Taylor on Theisman tackle before Suggs runs over Crabtree like Timmy alleged he did not do after the win over GB!

Anonymous said...

Claire Danes?? She is an ad for starvation via Yougurt
Let's use Kate Mara. Most guys love red heads '
Or the Babe on monumental network .com!

Anonymous said...

We all wish we could be the husband who gets berated by Gizelle. We know that making up is the best tonic in life!

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Anonymous said...

If history repeats itself. Being a punk QB in a playoff win versus GB means you end up like Michael Vick
Injured. Bouncing around the league with attitude and tattoos!!