Saturday, January 5, 2013

CBA ABCs -- The Top Secret Road Vagina Clause

Consistent with our continuing commitment to the game of baseball, we introduce a new series, CBA ABCs, to provide you with information on the current Collective Bargaining Agreement, especially those clauses that receive less attention from the mainstream media.

First up is Article VII.D, Single Rooms On The Road.

The clause reads:

Each Player on a Club’s Active List (including disabled Players who travel with the Club) shall have single rooms in the Club’s hotels on all road trips during the Club’s spring training, championship season and post-season.  Nothing herein shall prohibit the Clubs from making or continuing agreements with individual Players that provide more favorable arrangements for such Players.

Like leather mitts, three bases, and the pitcher's mound, the concept of road vagina is as old as the game of baseball itself, if not older.

The so-called Top Secret Road Vagina Clause helps today's active roster players to shoulder their collective load in safe-keeping this treasured part of baseball history.

The Top Secret Road Vagina Clause protects rookies and future Hall-of-Famers alike.

The Top Secret Road Vagina Clause extends to disabled players who travel with the club -- a new layer of protection for the limp and lame, so far as we know.

Importantly, the Top Secret Road Vagina Clause allows individual players to receive "more favorable arrangements" on road trips, per agreement with their club.  Anyone with specific information about this particular aspect of the Top Secret Road Vagina Clause should share details immediately.

In sum, baseball players play nine innings together.

They shower and travel long distances together.

But when it comes to R&R before or after away games, collective bargaining has ensured that every active roster player, disabled or not, gets to sleep alone.


el duque said...

Damn, I always figured Jeet and Arod roomed together, so they could talk about hot women each night until they fell asleep.

Baseball Annie said...

And that's why, try as he did, Hideki never got his hands on the Andruw Jones sex tape.