Like most Yankee bloggers, in my spare time, I enjoy using multiple Internet identities. In the National Rifle Association chatroom, I like to be Big Ed Glock, God of Killing Power, and on the Rush Limbaugh site, I weigh in as Theo the Human Tripod.
But now and then, what Yankee fan doesn't fancy himself - or herself! - as a voluptuous Stanford cheerleader who is dying heroically of an exotic disease? Come on, fess up! We're among friends here. We all do it. Don't act like you don't! It's fun, and it's a great way to meet people - and famous athletes!
I spent most of last fall in character, swapping fun texts with some guy who was pretending to be a Notre Dame football player. (I never checked it out with MTV, but I think the guy is actually the wife of a hog farmer from Duluth.) We had great fun, swapping one-liners and "going all the way" online. Well, I went back into my files to relive some of most cherished exchanges. (I'm K.)
Te'o: We've been texting for months. I've fallen in love with U. When can I see U?
K: Oh, you silly pooch. I'm really not much to look at. Here is latest photo.
K: Me 2! I can't wait 2 C U. We can do - what is football phrase? "horse-collar!" Here is new photo.
Te'o: WOW! I'M SO HOT 4 U, AM GETTING IN CAR AND DRIVING TO STANFORD.
K: NO. DO NOT COME! I have cancer. Bad sinuses. On death door. Owww, pain. Nurse take shot of me in hospital clothes.
Te'o: OMG! This is terrible! I can't concentrate on football. I must C U now!
K: NO. Getting chemo. Doctors not allow visitors. Staff and roommate say hi.
K: If ever Notre Dame is losing big game, or TV networks ask about personal life, tell story of me and urge team to, WIN ONE FOR THE SICK GIRL. OMG. IT'S DEATH. HE WANTS ME TO FOLLOW. I see white light. Am floating like firefly into vast horizon. - 30 -
Te'o: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Baby, text something, text something, NOOOOOOOOO-
Te'o: IT'S BEEN DAYS. Still no obit. Must have missed funeral. TEXT SOMETHING.
K: Hey there, cow-pardner. It's Virgil the Talking Horse. Your old lady K told me you could use a new text buddy! Wanna talk? Don't say, Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! LOL. Trust me, I'm more fun than Theo, the Human Tripod. Here's my photo!