Cashman oh Cashman

(To Matchmaker Matchmaker)

Cashman oh Cashman 

Cashman oh Cashman

we know Hal is rich...

Find us at last, 

someone to pitch.

Game after game 

in late innings it's blown.

So find us a clo-ser, 

... of our own.

---

For AA... 

Make him like Sparky!

For Hoss, 

Wetteland's fastball would be nice.

For me, well, I wouldn't holler ... 

a Rivera like cutter so they swing thrice!

---

Cashman oh Cashman 

Please go through your book

Because it it time 

to give Holmes the hook.

Night after night 

we cough up the lead

While you dumpster dive 

... out of greed.

---

CASHMAN:

Fellas I've found him!

Have I got a guy for you 

He had thirty saves...

in 1992. 

Still, he's got good stuff. Good stuff.

So nu? He's due.

His peripherals are amazing

All ground outs. No loft!

We'll use him once and then...

His arm falls off.

---

CASHMAN:

Fellas you'll love this...

This closer's been here before. 

He sweats like a pig 

but he throws 104.

They go straight as an arrow. 

His pitches come in true. 

They hit them just as fast...

So we'll turn two!

---

CASHMAN:

This next one has a temper.

A clubhouse chair he'll fight...

But only when he's sober

So we're alright...

----

Cashman oh Cashman

You suck at your job.

Your salary, and our souls you rob.

Do us a favor and quit the team soon...

You can't make a trade. 

Can't sign a guy.

Can't draft at all.

Can't win a ring!

...and take with you Aaron Boone.