Must I remind you of The First and Greatest Rule of Juju, which states:
Nothing is ever gained by speaking positively about your team.
Always, always, always... be sour and dour. Don't be afraid to kick the puppy. That way, if they lose, you were right all along. If they win, bravo! your surgically administered reverse juju worked.
That said, here are some facts that pose a grave danger to our vast and impenetrable Midnight Blue Curtain of Gloom.
The Yankees currently have:
1. The best record in the American League, and in the AL East.
2. The best player in all of baseball.
3. The best hitting duo in all of baseball.
4. A clear path for their best prospect. (The Martian went 2-5 last night for Scranton, with a HR and a double. Meanwhile, Verdugo is now down to .226. It won't be long.)
5. Five straight games against two certified tomato cans. (After Colorado and DC, the Cardinals, Rangers and Cubs.)
6. A staff soon to be fortified by the return of their best pitcher throughout the spring. (Clarke Schmidt threw 3 innings last night at Double A. He gave up one run.)
7. A stable lineup with their preferred starters at the corners. (Jazz Chisholm played last night; Anthony Rizzo rehabbed at Double A.)
8. The possibility that Giancarlo Stanton is heating up. (HR last night.)
9. That worrisome wort on your butt is starting to shrink.
10. The UFOs watching us from their ocean bottom base are Yank fans.
Okay, the last two are traps. I was testing you. Hopefully, you caught them. And most importantly, now is not the time to let up with our unwavering load of misery. Abandon hope, everybody. I'm absolutely sure they'll lose today. (Game time 2:05 p.m.)
Posts
17 comments:
"Over his last 100 games, Judge is batting .378/.505/.835 with 45 home runs, 106 RBIs and 84 walks since April 27."
That is incredible. His terrible April will loom large in Judgian lore. What if, what if, what if?
It seems incredible that we have the best record in the league while, as a team, we play so badly beyond a few players. Watch any “Yankees Classics” replay and marvel at the powerful and balanced lineups. As a game, MLB has changed dramatically over the last decade, not necessarily for the better, making it harder (and more expensive) for teams to dominate.
Me? I still fear October.
Why did this terrible April occur? What can “WE” all do to insure that Judge’s September doesn’t become the matching bookend? Where can we easily access and review our 2024 games won predictions? And finally, how many times a year should zI have my teeth cleaned at my dentist’s office?
(I am zi - lieutenant governor of typo town)
I go twice a year, AA, but that's just me. Half of my teeth are crowns, a bunch of them are probably 25 or 30 years old. They should have needed replacing years ago, but my dentist is phenomenal. And expensive. But worth it.
Might I also suggest you start using ProBiora, a former client of mine. It's a mintish tablet that you put in your mouth after brushing, once a day. An amazing thing it is, too. The tablet contains genetically altered bacteria, that perfectly match the bacteria that usually forms in your mouth--minus the part that causes decay and bad breath. These bacteria get onto your teeth and in your gumline, and stake out the real estate before the bad guy bacteria can move in. My cleanings and checkups have been phenomenal since I started using these. Hygienists can't believe I smoked for 45 years or that I drink a fair amount of coffee.
As for your other questions, I can say with some authority that I have no idea.
Should be usually form, no s.
Warren vs. competent starter on bad team? Yeah, that's not a win. I like how they timed the programmed loss to coincide with Old Timers' Day so that the good feelings of the pregame presentation could be deflated immediately by a game put out of reach after the first half inning.
That we have the best record in baseball is a real indictment of MLB. So my new mantra may end up being, "Baseball sucks." And have I moaned lately about how much I loath the ghost runner bullshit? Fuck MLB. Go back to just being greedy and not pretending you're trying to make things better for us poor fans. Just be honestly greedy. That would be refreshing. We don't eat your shit.
I can't get excited about an Old Timers' Game where the old timers are all a lot younger than me.
JM - At least your teeth are likely in a lot better condition than the lot of them!
Why is Phil coke mad?
Johnny Damon is on mushrooms
Very true, Bitty—and by the way, your cri de coeur before was absolutely great. Hear, hear! (Cashman often gives out with his own sounds, but that's more of a cri de cur. Thank you, thank you, don't forget your waitresses!)
Because I hate flossing, and because I figure that it's way cheaper (and the cleanings are less unpleasant) to get my teeth cleaned every three months.
I've been on that schedule now for forty years now and, well, uhhhh, (fingers crossed) so far so good.
It's really hard to believe...
Just bring the teeth from the cup to the dry cleaners. LOL
My dentist's name is Dr. Hacker. That's probably not a good name for a dentist. He's on Montowese Avenue where most Branford dentists seem to own a practice in town.
When I have dental work done, I always place my knee near the dentist's groin. That way, if I feel pain, so will he!
Post a Comment