Before Women Wreck Everything: CLONE DEREK!

The fear has haunted every Yankee fan since Derek Jeter became Captain of Mankind's Team:

Will some conniving, painted succubus destroy our perfect Yankee genetic footprint?

The following vessels have sought to yolk our Captain's seed. Thus far, each has failed.

But it only takes one to succeed.

To protect the future, we must study the past. Here, then, is the johnsterling.blogspot.com Confidential Sex Dossier on Derek Jeter. No prurience intended--or allowed.

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Vessel One: Jessica Biel. Actress.

Death Grip: Her hobbies include ballet, soccer, yoga and hiking. She has a dog named East. She is a vegan.

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Vessel Two: Adriana Lima, supermodel.

Death Grip: She has been romantically linked to photographer Estevan, Lenny Kravitz and the rumored son of Hulk Hogan, whose name is not important. She says she is saving her virginity for marriage. Yeah.

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Vessel Three: Mariah Carey, songstress

DEATH GRIP: Plate-throwing hysterics. Incoherent web posts. The movie Glitter.

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THE CLONING OPTION

Rael, spritual leader of the Raelian Sect of Canada, has inspired Clone-Aid. For a fee and a mere swab of the Captain's saliva, we can create a TEAM of Derek Jeters, 25-strong, to compete by the year 2031. This, at a fragment of the cost of 25 Bobby Abreus.

RESULT: A Yankee dynasty for our final days on earth.

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CONCLUSION: CLONE DEREK NOW!