Certainly, the anti-gravitational tendencies of "blood" are well known. Everybody has watched blood from an open wound flow upwards. Right? We've cut our feet and seen the blood rise up, up, up our leg.
Well, we hope Former Senator George Mitchell, during his inqury into Major League Baseball's use of steroids, respectfully calls upon America's Leading Truth Expert in the field of Advanced Anti-Gravity Technology, Dr. Curtis "Ketchup" Schilling.
We believe Ketchup can amplify the heartfelt comments he made while testifying before Congress on March 16, 2005, when the Scientist announced:
"In 19 years in the big leagues, I have never seen a syringe."
We believe him, of course. Ketchup comes in squeeze bottles, not syringes.
Ketchup (aka: 'Catsup') also told the Congressional investigators that day, on the matter of changing the rules of the game:
"If there are loopholes ... we will close them."
Well, well, well... Was Ketchup suggesting a Band-aid approach? BECAUSE HE CERTAINLY DIDN'T CLOSE LOOPHOLES ON HIS "WOUND," DID HE? OR WAS HE MERELY APPLYING A HEALTHY DOES OF HEINZ 57 FIRST-AID CREAM?
CALL HIM, MR. MITCHELL. CALL KETCHUP TO YOUR PROBE, AND GRILL HIM LIKE THE DOG HE IS.
YOU'RE GOING TO CALL GIAMBI. CALL A RED SOCK, TOO.
OTHERWISE, WE KNOW WHICH SIDE YOU'RE ON.
Ketchup Schilling: What does this man squirt into his shoes? Hunts, Heinz or Youth Restoration Juice?
P:S:BIG GAME TONIGHT!
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1 comment:
I'm surprised Schill doesn't use it all the time. His dry, flavorless foot is probably what cost him the no-hitter.
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