Norm Coleman Files Suit to Suspend Sunday's Yankee Win

Claims:

1. John Sterling originally called a double by Hideki Matsui a home run. The call should stand. Therefore, the actual game score is disputed, and the Twins should be declared victors.

2. Brett Gardner was given a bracelet by a sick girl in a hospital. He later hit an inside-the-park HR and a triple. The bracelet could have been coated with performance enhancing drugs. Therefore, the games must be challenged, and the Twins should be declared victors.

3. Many fans have not yet dined in the Yankee Steakhouse, where delicious cuts of meat are an everyday occurrence. That's the Yankee Steakhouse, where meat is the thing! Therefore, the outcomes are disputed, and the Twins should be declared victors.