Tuesday, June 20, 2017

I Have A Bookie In Las Vegas........

To some, that will not register as a surprise.

I have been talking with him ( on a " burner" of course ) since we started our west coast collapse.

I gave him a prediction ( he sees everything as a wager ) that  caused him to blow his
evening, " four fingers of Four Roses,"   straight out his nostrils, and onto his date's filet mignon.

What, you ask, had I posited?

I told him that, "The Yankees might not win another game all season."

Those were my exact words.

He did a quick calculation and said he would try to have " odds up by morning."

He warned, however, that the starting point of the bet was, " now," and that the odds would change daily.

He also established a minimum bet of $10,000 because he needs to make a buck before this idiotic idea dies on TV.

The other side to the wager is:  if you put up  $10,000 and win:  you are set for life.

You get the equivalent of what remains on the contracts of Ellsbury, A-Rod and Albert Pujols.

And a Playboy Bunny.


Anonymous said...


Urban Farmer formerly known as DutchFan said...

This may come across off topic.

One of the great things about this blog, oozing wit and eloquence, is the deep understanding of the game of baseball. Probably comparable to how you might listen to Europeans discussing soccer. A lot of the entries demonstrate how this game is part of American culture and show the natural understanding you have of what the essence of the game is all about.
Not that you are ever right in your analysis, but that is being a fan. Apart from yourself there is no one that really knows the truth. I have that out here when it comes to Feyenoord.

I have this question. There is this thing with pitchers.
By now it is safe to say that a pitcher is a person that is waiting for TJ-surgery.
Sometimes i grab hold of a baseball I have lying around and try some grips. Confessing I have smallish, soft and tender hands, the grip in itself is an effort and a strain on your muscles. Secondly, all kids throw 95+ these days and on top of that rotate the wrist and elbow and shoulder (independently in the most successful cases) exerting huge forces on the ligaments and joints.
An average person cannot keep this up for a very long time before getting injured and ultimately having an appointment in the operating theatre.

So why are young pitchers not brought up much quicker than is the case now. Especially in relief, where you need 2 different pitches to get 6 outs.
Or, give every kid in high school that throws harder than 90 mandatory surgery. I mean we give them glasses or braces right? Why not a nice surgery. The male equivalent of breast implants. Of course, mainly the rich will gain from this, because they can afford it for their sons.

I'm Bill White said...

There is a great billboard in Florida of a surgeon who has performed many thousands of vasectomies. He is hunched over a patient, instruments in hand, smiling for the camera. Urban Farmer gives us a powerful vision of what could be similar TJ billboards in the future.

Alphonso said...

How can Urban Farmer have soft and tender hands, when he is throwing hay around with a pitchfork all day?

Anyway, I am flattered that he ( you ) has changed his name based upon my imagery that he must live on, or near, a farm. Being from Holland and all.

Certainly, everyone's grandmother lived on a farm. Or near a canal for ice skating. And drank Heineken, or some home-made equivalent.

The one thing I do know: we should send him a real baseball.

That is a project Duque and I can work on this summer.

It will be more productive than watching the Yankees lose.

John M said...

It's kind of creepy, sure, but I can't disagree with UF Formerly DF. My thinking is that whatever modern science can improve, do it. My elbows and knees and hips starting to show signs of wear? Replace 'em. Lungs suffering from too many coffin nails? Replace them, too. Heart? Kidney? Liver (especially liver)? Let's go, Mr. Wizard, start the 3D printing press and get some new organs over here.

I'm currently suffering from fairly bad tendonitis (a closet shelf, a huge container..don't ask), so I finally understand what it means when Kenny or Mikey or Suzie say someone is out because of it. Jesus (no Montero), it hurts like hell if you move the wrong way. And it's going to take at least a year...a YEAR...to heal. Can't the brainiacs come up with artificial tendons, already? Go in, snip snip, glue the new ones in place and voila. I mean, it takes a year for a player to come back from TJ surgery. Wouldn't be any worse.

The future is undoubtedly intelligent androids with easily replaced parts. Your brain, their body. Takes the whole injury thing off the table. Let's see if Binder Boy can fuck that up.

Urban Farmer formerly known as DutchFan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Urban Farmer formerly known as DutchFan said...

These days all harvesting out here is done by manipulating the joystick. Hence the tender hands.