As expected, the second part of the indictment of Brian “The Brain” Cashman for crimes against baseball and common sense, was released to the public today.
Cashman has already appeared in the Bronx County Courthouse to enter a plea of “I do think we do have the talent to win it.” Cashman appeared grim and nervous in the courtroom, whispering to his attorneys, Lonn Trost and Randy Levine, a.k.a. “Unindicted Co-conspirators No. 1 and 2.”
Today’s new charges focus on a period that was actually the apex of Cashman’s success in the Bronx, but included some of his most baffling moves, including the start of his inclinations to draft pitchers who had already been injured because they were “a bargain,” or to acquire “speed players” who were into their thirties…and had lost their speed.
From our correspondent in the Bronx:
2005—Following The Catastrophe of the 2004 ALCS, Cashman made what can only be called a series of hasty, ill-considered moves to try to retool his stricken Yankees team (the operative word being “tool”).
First baseman Tony Clark is freed to sign with Arizona as a free agent. He hits .304 with 30 homers and a 1.003 OPS there. Cashman reacquires 37-year-old Tino Martinez to play first, where he hits .241 with 17 homers.
Tony Womack is signed to play second base, a position of seemingly endless torment for The Brain. A speed player who had led the NL in stolen bases last in…1999, the 35-year-old Womack compiles an OPS of .556, and steals 27 bases.
Once again, Cashman refuses to sign the leading free agent on the market, Carlos Beltran, despite the fact that Beltran comes to the Yankees offering a discount if he can play in the Bronx. Instead, he will have best seasons…with the Mets.
But the biggest changes are on the pitching staff, where Cashman lets walk Esteban Loaiza (12-10, 3.77 with Washington); Jon Lieber (17-13, 4.20 with Philadelphia); and El Duque (pitches four shutout, postseason innings as reliever to help White Sox win 2005 World Series, goes on to win 18 games with Mets, 2006-2007).
In their place, Cashman signs Jaret Wright and Carl “The Bronx Buttocks” Pavano. He then trades Javier Vazquez to Arizona for 41-year-old Randy Johnson. Vazquez will have two of his best seasons, winning 15 games for the White Sox and Braves, in the years just ahead.
Yanks lose ALDS to Angels, as Bubba Crosby and Gary Sheffield collide in the outfield, and Johnson cannot win a game in which New York scores 7 runs.
2006—Cashman brings in Andy Phillips at the merry-go-round that has become first base, and Kyle Farnsworth to “bolster” the bullpen. Yanks lose ALDS as Randy Johnson is skunked by Kenny Rogers.
2007—Cashman refuses to re-sign Bernie Williams, who then retires. Doug “Eye Chart” Mientkiewicz is brought in to play first base.
Outbid by Boston for Japanese star Daisuke “Dice-K” Matsuzaka, Cashman signs Japanese stripling Kei Igawa, and insists he is just as good. Dice-K wins 15 games for the Red Sox. Igawa wins 2 for the Yankees, and is banished for the next 4 years to Scranton, from where Cashman fervently hopes he will disappear.
Yankees deliberately fall short of a 10th straight division title, as The Brain calculates that the team must avoid another first-round series against Los Angeles.
Instead, Boston sweeps a hobbled Angels team, while the Yankees lose to Cleveland. Dice-K wins a game in the Sox’ four-game Series sweep.
After the season comes Cashman’s cruelest moment as caporegime, as he humiliates Joe Torre, making him go to Florida to ask The Steinbrenner Crime Family for his job to be renewed. Torre is offered only an insulting pay cut by the Steinbrenners. According to Torre—who rumor has it will appear as a star witness in The Brain’s forthcoming trial—Cashman did not even convey his counteroffer to The Family, and lied about it afterwards.
2008—Yankees miss the playoffs for the first time since 1993. When Posada is hurt, Cashman brings in juicer Ivan Rodriguez to try to replace him. I-Rod bats .219, and departs. Darnell Rasner and Sidney Ponson get 35 starts between them.
Dice-K goes 18-3, 2.90, as BoSox get within a game of the World Series.
2009—Cashman’s greatest season! Yankees win it all, as The Brain signs the three best free agents on the market, C. C. Sabathia, Mark Teixeira, and A. J. Burnett. New York takes the postseason crapshoot, despite an end of the rotation that consists of Sergio Mitre and Chad Gaudin.
2010—Cashman displays his newfound confidence…re-signing Nick Johnson, and trading Melky Cabrera to Atlanta for Javier Vazquez. Both of these everything-old-is-new-again acquisitions flop. Melky goes on to have his best (10) years, hitting as high as .346 in San Francisco.
In a three-way deal with Detroit and Arizona, Cashman acquires Curtis Granderson—but ignores Max Scherzer, who is also in the deal, and trades away Ian Kennedy and the 21-4, 2.88 season he will have in 2011.
Cashman also refuses to make a deal to get ace Cliff Lee from Seattle, though reportedly all he would have had to give up was minor-league infielder David Adams, or catcher Jesus “Ice Cream Sandwich” Montero.
Down the stretch, Cashman deals promising reliever Mark Melancon for aging outfielder Lance “Fat Elvis” Berkman. Melancon goes on to become a top closer for the next 12 years, running up 262 saves. Berkman hits .255—and goes to St. Louis as a free agent, where he hits 31 homers, bats .301, and leads the Cards to the 2011 world championship.
The Brain once again decides to have the Yanks not play all-out for a division title, so they won’t have to play Texas in the first round. They finish second, as planned. Texas beats Tampa Bay in the ALDS—and beats the Yankees in the second round.
Cashman also begins a longstanding habit of spurning international signings, even though the money does not count against the salary cap. He ignores fans’ pleas to sign young Aroldis Chapman, thereby missing out on Chapman’s six years of a 105-mph fastball and relative sanity.
Brian Cashman is just 43.
Yankees’ First-Round Draft Picks, 2005-2010:
2005: C. J. Henry, SS. (Yankees draft Doug Fister, RHP, in 6th round, but do not sign him. Fister goes on to have 4 outstanding years in the majors, and pitches well in two straight playoff series against...the Yankees. As always with Cashman, it's the little things.)
2006: Ian Kennedy, RHP; Joba Chamberlain, RHP.
2007: Andrew Brackman.
2008: Gerrit Cole, RHP (Did not sign.); Jeremy Bleich, LHP.
2009: Slade Heathcott, CF.
2010: Cito Culver, RHP. (He will become an infielder.)
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7 comments:
Let the record show that the Brain also included Brad Halsey (a 'crafty lefty' who had shown some promise), Dioner Navarro (at that time touted as the top Yankee prospect), and cash with Vazquez in the trade for 41-year old Randy Johnson. He promptly signed Johnson to a two year extension. This after a similar three-team deal for Johnson fortunately fell apart, proving his unrelenting devotion to this poor move.
Of course, Johnson was a one-of-a-kind Hall of Famer, who managed to stay dominant through the end of his career - just not with the Yankees. Vazquez was successful pretty much everywhere - except with the Yankees. Poor Halsey was never able to stick in the majors and died tragically young after retiring. And Navarro was one of the long string of highly-touted Yankee catching prospects, who mostly fizzled with weight problems, subpar defence, and poor plate discipline. BUT common baseball sense says you do not give up valuable pieces for a 41-year old player. Even if he has had a brilliant career.
In a civilized country, where bribery is a crime, ex-Deputy Mayor Levine would have gone to prison for using his role as the city's negotiator on the stadium bond deal to get himself a cush job in the Yankee organization.
If I didn’t live through all of that, I would have thought it was a parody from National Lampoon
Is Boone an unindicted co-conspirator?
Could these guys, working hand-in-hand, conspire to throw a 2x4 over a small puddle?
Man, what a refreshing trip down memory lane. To be fair, some of those moves made sense, but Destiny can be a cruel mistress. Some moves HAD to be senile George mandated, some moves were the lapdogs of idiocy, but the way Torre was treated was sickening. And somehow we're back to 1990. Well, I'M NOT but the process,yeah....
That's right, Kaiser, I forgot about Navarro. He had 13 years as a starter or back-up, hit .250 with some power and a decent glove. Mostly played for our main competitor, TB.
Typical Cashman, to just throw in guys like that.
Maybe so, Kevin. But the patterns are so consistent...and so CASHMAN. He never seems to anticipate or plan for anything—which is why he so often gets in trouble.
He somehow couldn't fathom that Clemens, Wells, and Pettitte were going to go if he didn't trade them or make them a better offer. Then, he rushed around to "compensate" by getting Vazquez and Kevin Brown. Or—even worse—it's a deliberate attempt to show what a genius he is.
Incredible he's lasted this many years with such a record.
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