Friday, August 4, 2023

Yankees vault back into AL wild card race, according to the Yankees

Imagine there's no heaven. It's easy if you try.

Now, imagine... three Yankee wins in a row!

Back to back to back, and belly to belly to belly... 

Three. The Bermuda Triangle. The atomic number of Lithium. The number of dimensions humans can perceive. The Holy Trinity. The Hindu Triveti. The Babe.  

Morning, noon and night. Breakfast, lunch and supper. Willie, Mickey & the Duke. Mo, Larry & Curly. (Sorry, Shemp.)

Three wins in a row. Does such a concept even exist? The last time the Yankees won two straight over teams with winning records was July 3-4. They celebrated by losing nine of their next 11.

Three. 

The concept grows murkier when you picture Luis Severino, "Setback Sevy," starting tonight against the likely AL pitching rookie of the year - testament to the talent that regularly rises through other farm systems. This happens while Yankee courtiers talk-up "youngsters" like Jake Bauers, 27, and Willie Calhoun, 28, who - by the way - just told the Yankees to fuck off, rather than accept another exile to the ultra-fracked hellholes of Scranton.  

I got nothing against Bauers and Calhoun - or Billy McKinney or Franchy Cordero, or any of the Crackerjack surprises plucked this spring from MLB recycling bins, in Brian Cashman's relentless quest to find a lefty hitting Kismet. The problem is that we've been here before: Win two, then butcher Game Three and - damn - who can possibly think of winning, gulp, four?  

So, two in a row...

1. Another standard, stock-issue Clarke Schmidt start: Five innings and two-to-three runs. It's what Roger Clemens delivered at the end of his career, except without the purple Viagra pills. Nothing wrong with a Clarke Starte, especially compared to the recent abominations by Setback Sevy. 

The problem: It almost ensures that Aaron Boone will drain the bullpen A-list: Wandy, King, Tommy and Clay. Thus, tonight we can expect to see Albert Abreu and the uproarious cast of Ghosts!  And whenever old "Double A" is out there, well, the game is usually over or tilting that way like the Tower of Pisa. 

Why why WHY can't we win three straight? Well, figure Game One is Gerrit Cole, and Game Two explodes the bullpen. Then comes Sevy, or Rodon, or whomever is riding the Scranton shuttle. (This weekend, Nasty Nestor. Cross fingers.)

2. Last night, we foresaw the world without Anthony Rizzo, who - strangely - seemed to be having a grand old time in the dugout. That's fine. I don't want to see him moping or sad. I just sorta figured that, recovering from a bizarre concussion, he'd be home, under a blanket, drinking fruit juice and listening to a taped waterfall. So, now what? He'll rest 10 days and take Trump's cognitive "Person, Man, Woman, Camera, TV" test?  How do you heal from a concussion that avoided a diagnose for two months? Who decides when he's back to normal? Is Dr. Joyce Brothers still working?

Why do I get a feeling that the front office simply wanted Rizzo to sit out this crucial Houston series, the potential finale of a lost season? If the Yankees lose this series, if they continue to slog through the soup of their own incontinence, it's going to be damn hard to rouse public interest in this team. The tabloids will soon turn to football. It's now or never, and the Yankees simply didn't want Rizzo out there. 

3. Over the last seven games, Anthony Volpe is hitting .273 with a HR. (Over the last 15 games: .303.) Let's hope Boone doesn't stick him back in the leadoff position, which seemed to sabotage him last time. 

Let the kid develop at his own pace, right? Yeah, sure. What are the chances?

25 comments:

TheWinWarblist said...

Wow. Duque wakes up and spits hot fire!

Kevin said...

"Anthony, you see a tortoise the laying on it's back in in the desert. He's dying. Why don't you help him, Anthony"? "What's a tortoise"? "Ever see turtle? Same thing". "Never saw one. But I know what you mean. Hey what's this bullshit about"? "Oh, to answer your query, these are some MLB post-concussion protocol test questions. Think hard, Anthony. What are your deepest feelings when you think about Brian Cashman" ? Anthony, "let me tell you about Cashman (sounds of Anthony leaping across the desk, strangling the neurologist)".

THE BIGGEST SCI-FI, BASEBALL MOVIE OF THE YEAR! DON'T MISS "BrainRunner"!!!

A SteinLevineTrost Production

JM said...

Thanks, Kevin. I'll think I'll wait until it hits PPV. Only after the price drops to $4.99.

"The soup of their own incontinence", Duque? Disgusting and hilarious at the same time. You still got it.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


home, under a blanket, drinking fruit juice and listening to a taped waterfall

I will be suggesting this remedy for certain co-workers at my next business meeting.

Ditto to JM for calling out "The soup of their own incontinence". We are so blessed.

AboveAverage said...

RizzO and LizzO
Sitting in a tree
k-I-s-s-I-n-g
first comes love
then comes marriage
then comes…..

The realization that it isn’t LizzO sitting in the tree with RizzO at all it is a morbidly obese Aaron Judge. Then Aaron Judge’s dog, then Michael Kay then a percussive, high speed Matrix-like quick change transition between dozens of other recognizable people and objects which proves to be a little too much weighty chaos for the branch to handle because it SNAPS causing RizzO to fall screaming to the ground.

And bolting awake on the floor in the corner of the dugout.

Blinking himself back into consciousness, RizzO locks eyes with a short, creepy looking clubhouse assistant who has been standing there watching all the time. Then with what sorta sounds like a raspy wheeze, the assistant raises his arm and points at RizzO, smiles and loudly proclaims:

“DAY TO DAY ! DAY TO DAY ! DAY TO DAY ! OK !?!”

Celerino Sanchez said...

We're back bitches!!! Like the great GM said "We are in it to win it!"

Retired Stratman said...

JM and LBJ beat me to the punch, but I gotta say “slog through the soup of their own incontinence” has got to be Duque’s best line of the summer, so far…

AboveAverage said...

Yes, E.D. “soup of their own incontinence” is wonderful and brilliant whilst in its own way, could be the unfortunate results/ consequences of a few too many milk farts.

The Hammer of God said...

Well, at least we're not going to be swept by the ASS-stros. That's a start. Let's look on the bright side!

Not only did we win a second straight game, but evil dwarf and head ASS-Hole Jose Altuve did NOT hit a game tying or game winning home run. Didn't you just scream "OH NO, HERE IT COMES AGAIN" when Altuve came up the 9th with two guys on base against Clay Holmes?

I thought Clarke Schmidt has been getting better and John Smoltz on the FOX broadcast thought so too. But it seems to me that Schmidt is still a guy who is trying only to execute his pitches, hoping that the hitter gets himself out, instead of pitching aggressively to get the hitter out himself. There is a big difference.

In the 2nd inning, Schmidt has a runner on 2nd base with two outs and Martin Maldonado, who is a .170 hitter but a classic Yankee killer. He gets Maldonado in a 1-1 count, then promptly throws a hanging slider that finds the shortstop hole for an RBI hit. If you want to be a champion, you can't make that kind of mistake to the #9 hitter, who was hitting .170, in that situation. But if you throw enough off speed, sooner or later, you're going to hang one. That was a big mistake. He kind of gave away a run there.

In the 5th inning, Maldonado comes up with 1 out, nobody on. Schmidt quickly gets ahead in the count 0-2, then wastes a fastball way outside and then wastes a knuckle curve outside off the plate, eventually ends up throwing a bad fastball over the plate in a 3-2 count and gives up another single to this .170 hitter. With the count 0-2, the sequence should have been the sinking fastball on the inside corner and then the slider. Maybe you catch him looking at the fastball inside on the 0-2 pitch. If not, then you make him go fishing for the 1-2 slider. After getting ahead 0-2, there were many different ways to go about it, but Schmidt chose the dumbest way, and then gave a hit on the full count pitch. He's still got a lot to learn.

ranger_lp said...

Schmidt sounds like another victim of analytics which is directing pitch selection...

While on that subject...all these prospects who do well in the minors and fail in the show. They probably don't have the same level of analytics in AAA. What if these players come to the majors and now their ABs are predicated on what the analytics say...and that's affecting their performance...just a thought...

The Hammer of God said...

Torres, who did have a really good game overall, still managed to make another gaffe that almost cost the game. This time, he is unable to throw the ball on the back end of a double play and the dwarf is safe at first. Eventually, the dwarf gets to third base with two outs. I give Schmidt credit, he worked out of it, getting four outs that inning.

Torres has to just let it rip there. Got to throw the ball at the base runner's face. If Maldonado doesn't get out of the way, then he gets a baseball in his mouth.

And later in the game, Michael King pulls a rock by throwing another Altuve grounder to no one in particular, and they got nobody out. King should've thrown to first base to get the sure out, not lob one to the middle of the infield. Who is the infield coach on this team?

The Hammer of God said...

Volpe with the game winning hit to the opposite field, right center field. If he always looks to go the other way, this kid will be all right. He gets in trouble when he flies open and tries to pull moonshots to left on every pitch.

The Hammer of God said...

Let's give Torres some credit, he had a great at bat where he fouled off a bunch of outside pitches, protecting the outside corner with two strikes, then eventually got one he could handle and got a hit. Torres actually looks like he now knows what he's doing in the batter's box.

And let's give Sean Casey some credit too. I don't think Torres does that if Dillon Lawson is still the hitting coach. We're starting to see much better at bats, particularly by Torres. Also by Volpe.

AboveAverage said...

Sean Casey could be the best thing that’s happened to this team since . . . Dillon Lawson was fired

Hinkey Haines said...

This is probably more appropriate for the previous thread, but - Pinstripe Alley had a fierce condemnation of the Yankees & the way they’ve handled head injuries (among other things).

https://www.pinstripealley.com/2023/8/4/23819271/yankees-mlb-anthony-rizzo-concussion-cte-frazier-boone-cashman-cressey-seau-benoit

BTR999 said...

Truth is this not a “bad” team, just a very mediocre, aging one with some glaring holes and a poor manager, hampered by an over reliance on analytics. But since MLB has chosen to dilute the playoffs, even a team such as this can make the post season. I will predict now that the Yankees will take the final WC 🚾 before making an early exit from the playoffs

Pocono Steve said...

Worse than the Sale incident from last year. Dopey Domingo may have finally drunk, slapped, joked, and smashed his way out of MLB. I can't bring myself to wish him well anymore. https://www.barstoolsports.com/blog/3477179/the-incident-that-led-to-domingo-german-entering-treatment-for-alcohol-abuse-reportedly-involved-him-drunkenly-wreaking-havoc-in-the-yankee-clubhouse-on-tuesday

Pocono Steve said...

And sweating the alcohol out of him? I bet they brewed him some coffee, too, but are to ashamed to admit they tried it.

ranger_lp said...

Hydration helps alcohol effects (hangover)...I don't get the sauna...you would be less hydrated after that...

Hinkey Haines said...

More on the incompetence - or malfeasance - of this organization. Perhaps the silver lining will be this forces ownership to clean house.

https://blogs.fangraphs.com/the-yankees-lose-german-and-rizzo-amid-a-miserable-week/

Also: they have a nap room??? I’m going to put that on my list of requirements for my next job.

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

I’m still excited about the free socks. But we when we were kids we’d get tube socks from the flea market. They were really cheap and bunched up. These aren’t going to be tube socks are they? I’m ok with white socks, but if they’re red I’m not going to be happy. Red socks would stain the ermine carpet in our Bentleys.

AboveAverage said...

BJ PB

There will be several styles and sizes to choose from including the following:

Knee-Highs
Thigh-Highs
Crews
Ankles
No-Shoes
Tubes, and
Toes

Originally I was going to include inflatable and gel-filled but they are no longer as well made as they use to be so I passed.

Plus, given who WE are I was not going to offer the color RED as an option unless specially requested.

DAY TO DAY !

UNWAIVERING !

OK !?!

Hinkey Haines said...

AA, given the IIHIIFIIc demographic, compression socks probably belong on the list.

AboveAverage said...

@HH —-> all of them are compression socks. My apologies for not calling that out but I assumed it was implied

Kevin said...

LMAO to HH & AA!!!