I'll take the Bengals.

 

Since it seems to be all the rage, I'll deliver myself of a few thoughts on our postseason adventure so far, what we've done and what we could do.

1—I'll have Detroit, please. I know, I know. The Tigers have already mauled us three times in this century come October, while the Cleveland Indians have really given us no trouble since...1954. Well, there was that awful loss in the 1997 ALDS. But as a certain Yankees third sacker might say, they got lucky. 

Statistically, this year the Bengals and the Guardians of Traffic look almost identical. But in truth, Those Who Keep Us Safe on the Road have a slightly better lineup—Detroit barely has any full-time starters—and a great bullpen. 

Fortunately, the Tribe Traffic Cones were able to force the Tigers to a fifth game, so that they will have to use their one, terrifying starter, Tarik Skubal. We want Skubal to demonstrate his greatness here. We want him to go all Jack Morris, ten shutout innings on their Cone asses, in a one-run nail-biter. We don't want him ready to go again until Game 3 or 4 of the ALCS.

2—Aaron Boone did all right. For the first time since 2003 against Boston, I'm ready to give the man his props. Somehow, he has been able to transform Clay Holmes into a useful set-up man again, and there were no egregious mistakes. Let's hope this lasts.

3—One thing I wish Boone would consider...I get the advantage of going righty-lefty-righty. But not when the lefty has to be Austin Wells, a .229-slumping rookie. Why, why, why not bat Judge and Stanton back-to-back and belly-to-belly when we have Stanton back and in form for what will no doubt be another 30 seconds? (I'm expecting reports of his next injury any moment now.)

Or...even Judge-Soto-Stanton, if they're so eager to stick to that righty-lefty-right thang. Huh? "I look at things that never were, and ask, 'why not'?"

4—Someone was getting on Joe Torre. Stop it. No, Joe Torre was generally not a good field manager. But no, Joe Torre was not simply "lucky."

We forget: Joe took over the team after the horrendous firing of Buck Showalter. Joe took over the Yankees when Old King George was at the nadir of his madness, making the Bronx so toxic that leading free agents didn't want to come here, even for more money; the Mets were running the town, and the Yanks kept slipping lower and lower.

Joe changed all that. He was the one Yankees manager who proved able to handle George for any length of time, and he was a great manager when it came to the press and the clubhouse, which in New York baseball is at least two-thirds of the job.

Joe saved us. Without him, the Yankees probably would have continued melting down, and George likely sells the team to James Dolan, famous rock-'n'-roll front man, which he almost did anyway in 1998. Yes, it can always be worse.

5—We must not look past the ALCS. As they have demonstrated all season, these New York Yankees could drop a playoff series to anyone, even the White Sox or the PCH A's. But if they should make the World Series...

The Mets, I fear, would kill us. Though their one weak spot—the pen—might do them in. In any event, a Subway Series would probably kill me. The Dodgers and the Padres both seem to have more weaknesses—though an entire World Series of the hired commentariat telling us how much better Shohei Ohtani is than Babe Ruth would be nauseating. Don't think they'd do that? I would bet on it (get it?).

6—Props where props are due. This Yankees team still looks like it can't hit to save its life. But at least everybody now seems to be alert. They are playing outstanding ball in the field—Jon Berti, what a play!—taking the extra base when possible—incredible, Mr. Stanton—and usually pitching with their heads as well as their arms. 

Even the hitting has been better than it sometimes looks. Last night, Volpe and Gleyber were scorching balls right at guys, and Judge seems to have emerged at last. All this is good. Will it last? Consult the Oracle at Delphi, or at least the Magic 8-Ball.

7—It's harder than it looks. I was amazed, last night, noticing the difference between the slowest and fastest of Lucas Ercegs's pitches, which seemed to be about 82-100. And he's not even one of the best closers in the game. And the Yanks were hitting him!

Playoff ball, an even more extreme version of regular-season-baseball, with the starters always pulled early and countless relievers coming in to throw any number of pitches, is, I fear, killing the game. It's as if you substituted for the quarterback on every series of downs in football. But it sure must make it hard to hit.

Two remaining questions on Erceg: why couldn't Cashman get him instead of Lou Trevino-Trivino? And does KC have the greatest names, or what? Cole Ragans? Michael Wacha? Seth Lugo, Angel Zerpa! Vinnie Pasquantino—wasn't he a character on Welcome Back, Kotter? 

Ah, they were a plucky little team that deserved better. But fuck 'em, they're dead. Their fans can turn back to their fabulous football team, and its rock-star groupie. 

I'll leave this list at "7" for obvious reasons. But a World Series by Mickmas? Wouldn't that be nice? We can always dream...