Yankees' tonic for the blahs: A putrid AL East

If you're waiting for that Olympian, Drake-v-Lamar showdown next month between the titans of the AL East - the Redsocks and Yankees - you might wanna burrow deeper into your game couch and locate some firewater. 

There is no certainty that either team will be floating above water on June 6 - Yogi Berra Navy Bobblehead Night - when the two liver-spotted lineups meet for their first time in 2025. Only the juju gods know how rancid the division will look. For most of this millennium, it's been the SEC of MLB. Lately, it's the Atlantic 10 - George Mason v. Dayton. 

This week, as the Death Barge rallied to beat San Diego - 2nd in the fearful NL West -  its AL East competition looked to be Bogarting all that black smoke over the Vatican. We can - and must! - lament the Yankees' woes: No 3B, no closer, no 4th and 5th starters, no depth - I can go on - but, honesty, it's not like the other teams are Florence Pugh with super powers. They're more like Tilda Swinton playing a man. Consider:

Boston. Let's sit back and enjoy this. Two seasons into a Bobby Bonilla-worthy contract - (10 years, $315 million) - Rafael Devers feels mistreated, and the poor guy is refusing to move to 1B, following the blow-out injury to Tristan Casas. I feel bad about Casas, but - honestly? - this is like eating ice cream! All of Boston is pissed. (Even the Celtics.) Devers has whined since the Redsocks signed Alex Bregman (who is having a comeback season), and didn't want to DH. Now, he's grousing about 1B - and hitting .255 with only 6 HRs. Cheers!

Of course, Yank fans know what Devers needs: A week of our pitchers. That will come in June. Let's hope it's too late. Boston has Devers for eight more years, and already the deal is going south. It reminds us that it's not just the Yankees who make bad deals.

Toronto: After back-to-back blown saves, the Jays finally beat the miserable Angels, thanks to future Yankee - (circa 2030) - Vlad Jr. He's raised his average by 30 points this month, but he has only four HRs, and they're not paying him $500 million (over the next 14 seasons) to belt singles. 

Honestly, I don't know what the problem is with Toronto, but year after year, they disappoint. In the last decade, they have gone through two waves of talent with nothing to show. They're puttering around .500, and that's where they'll stay. I also think the seething anger than Canadians feel about this "51st state" bullshit is a stake to the heart of the Jays. They can beat the Yankees, then lose five straight to the dregs of creation. They're heading below .500. Another lost season.

Tampa: They have now lost seven straight at George M. Steinbrenner Field - home of the Yankees - and last night's debacle was perhaps the worst of the season: The bullpen blew up, after leading by four runs in the eighth. Yeah, they beat us last week. But this plane isn't gonna fly. 

No team in baseball more successfully tanks than Tampa. This has become a hockey town.  

Baltimore: Dang, this was supposed to be their year, and they could soon start cleaning house. The problem: Pitching, pitching, pitching. Corbyn Burnes left in free agency. Grayson Rodriguez, their No. 2, is out. Charlie Morton, at 41, looks cooked. And Kyle Gibson - their hope - gave up 4 HRs in the 1st against the Yankees. Robbie Cano's uncle couldn't have tossed a better home run derby. 

Yeah, they won two out of three. But that was us. Nothing is going right for the O's. Jackson Holliday, hitting .260 with 4 HRs, looks more like Anthony Volpe every day. That's not a knock, unless you happen to have been the consensus best prospect in baseball for two years. Even Gary Sanchez is hurt (inflamed wrist). Fun fact: The Kraken is hitting .100.

What does all this mean? Well, the Death Barge might be able to float into the postseason, leaks and all. By mid-June, when the Yankees and Redsocks face off, I think we'll know.