Suddenly, as the Yankees enter a mad dash for the AL East, the laws of time and space are being bent

Wow. Yikes. Eureka...

Is there a quantum physicist in the house, somebody with a quark hardon for string theory? Because I'm onto something. Bigly.  

I'm detecting a tweaked gonad in the time and space infundibulum. The infinitesimal tendrils of cosmic time are stretching like Vladimir Putin's What-Me-Worry smile, and - somehow - we're compressing an entire week into every 24-hour day. 

Walk with me here. A week ago, Jimmy Kimmel had a regular talk show, Tylenol was a headache remedy, Jeffrey Epstein was dead, Robert Redford was alive, and Toronto Blue Jay fans were planning leaf-peep day trips in the first week of October, conquerors of the AL East. That was just a week ago? Seems like a year. In that period, Kimmel disappeared and returned - thanks to, gulp, Ted Cruz? - Epstein is back, the government is shutting down, the U.N. escalator might go to jail, and the Jays are facing a Gene Mauch-level collapse.

They have lost 6 of 10. Over the last week, Alejandro Kirk is 0-for-13, Vlad Jr. is hitting .182; Nathan Lukes, .154;  Addison Barger, .063 and IKF, the former Yank acronym, is .143. You'd think they face tariffs for each Canadian imported hit. 

That said, Toronto still holds the tiebreaker to a first-round bye. All they must do is beat Boston tonight, then roll over the cupcake Rays in their final three home games, (while the Yanks host Chicago and Baltimore.) 

Something is happening; it's neither real nor Memorex. Time is intermittently speeding up and slowing down, lying on the couch with its universal channel-changer, flicking through world events - Gaza, Ukraine, Katy Perry - and, on this site, clicking on the Yankee Justice League: Judge, Giancarlo, Jazz, Trent, Belli and Ben. (Volpe, McMahon, and Wells are like side orders of French fries; they add little, but they sure go fast.)  

So here we are, on the cusp of a spectral hiccup. After witnessing two nights of Chicago, you can see why the White Sox have lost 100 games. They blew game one when a glove-first CF casually watched a walk-off single drop. Last night, their pitching was a time bomb. Last week - was it really just a week? - Baltimore looked shitless and listless. We must sweep them. 

If the Yanks lose another regular season game, they deserve the wild card. But WTF is going on? Next week, that's 100 years from now.