Today, that's sorta how I feel about Redsock fans.
Turns out, their blinding anti-Yankee hatred - and refusal to STFU - furnished the secret sauce Thursday night in Cam Schlittler's masterpiece. Instead of watching the road ahead, Boston fans raged on social media and the flophouse internet, talking trash about Schlitter's family, royally pissing him off, and running the Redsock car smack into a ditch.
Years ago, I recall the same thing happening to Roger Clemens, when his wife attended a Yankee game at Fenway. The things they shouted so enraged The Rocket that he shut the Redsocks down, sinking without a bubble. Thank you, asshole fans.
Which brings me to the meat of this post.
I don't like like Vlad Jr. That's okay. He doesn't like me, doesn't like any of us. Long ago, he made that clear. And, honestly?, that's fine. Frankly, I don't like any of the Blue Jays (aside from Max Scherzer; I mean, who can hate Scherzer? First ballot, Coopersville.) You know what they are? Sideway drivers.
We at IIHIIFIIc recognize the limits to a well-crafted, artistic, literary, well sourced, thermonuclear, personal hatchet job.
For example, take Vlad Jr. Whenever I see this finely rounded, trust-funded, fully-entitled nepo baby, I think of how he once vowed - and you could quote him! - to never, ever, EVER - not in this life or the next - allow his perfect rump to be soiled by Yankee pinstripes. He would never play for us. NEVAH! But then, when he realized there could be Yankee money on the table in free agency, well, he took it back. He would play for the Yankees, after all. And now, with $500 million over 14 years in his pocket, he's returned to bad-mouthing the Yankees, the team he most wants to beat. And you know what he's doing?
He's talking sideways while driving.
This week, the Yankees didn't take their eyes off the road. They channeled their emotions. They stayed in their lane. Over the next few days, the Blue Jays will try to capture and harness the indignation of Canada, a great nation and our greatest friend, which - and there's no other way to say this - has been ill-treated by our President.
I'm sorry, but the Blue Jays cannot carry the Maple Leaf of Canada any more than I can. Kevin Gausman is from Colorado, George Springer from Connecticut, and Mad Max, he's from St. Louis, and - damn - he's been everywhere.
To beat Toronto, the Yankees simply must keep their mouths shut and watch the road ahead. It's been 16 years. No more speeches. It's drive time.
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27 comments:
At the risk of sideways driving, Hoss, why did Richardson throw away his hat?
We can beat these guys. As Keefe was saying, the Yankees are a different team now than they were the last time we played Toronto. If Volpe keeps hitting and making plays, he'll be our shortstop for the next 15 years, and I'm willing to go along with that. A number of us, including me, will likely be gone by the time he retires. Fine. But he has to keep hitting and making plays. Otherwise, I'll lead the chorus of headhunters next year.
Three out of five is not a lot of games. We can do it in three, maybe four.
Vlad Jr. is still a jerk. And if we make it to the World Series--karmically against Milwaukee--we can beat that other fatass, too. Though I will be more than happy with beating the Dodgers, those arrogant bastards.
I think Duque's post should be read aloud in the Yankees locker room shortly before game time.
Schlittler’s List
1, Beat Toronto
2. Beat Cleveland
3. Beat Dodgers.
Cleveland?!?!?
My head says Blow Jobs in 5, but my heart says Yankees in 4. Just like with the Bo Sox, I'll go with my heart and say it'll be Yankees in 4.
Toronto has quickly become another of those teams that I can't stand. Full of Yankee killers. If they'd played everyone else like they played against the Yankees, they'd have won 120 games. Beat up on the Yankees, and play like shit against everyone else.
I can hardly believe it, but they say this'll be the first time the Yankees have ever played Toronto in a playoff series. Will the Yankee killers continue to reap interlocking N Y's or will the Yankees ratchet it up (a few dozen notches) and send these pesky bastards a huntin' and a fishin'? As that Braindead fool Cashman always mutters, playoffs are a crapshoot. So there's that.
...and don't even get me started about parking spots being available right in front of the building!
The Blue Jays always intentionally walk Judge. We should intentionally walk Vlad. Or at a minimum get him to move his feet with inside pitches. No comfortable at bats.
And if Springer comes up with the game on the line - walk him too. Or hit him with a pitch. I do not like this man.
where should we hit Springer?
The Yankees ALDS Rooster (not a typo) is set.
We are now.....
(wait for it)
One Mark Leiter, Jr – Lighter
They have so many Yankee killers in their lineup, that it's hard to issue walks to all of them. You'd end giving like 16 intentional walks in a 9 inning game. Half their lineup kills the Yankees. Who do you pitch to? That's why I think it'll be a tough matchup for the Yankees.
Toronto left some key players off the roster. No Bichette. No Scherzer. No Basset.
Buffoon Boone won't have any lighter fluid? How's that possible? Although having seen how bad Luke Weaver is right now, I'm not sure it's the right decision.
Bichette, Scherzer, Bassit are all Yankee killers. So at least we won't have to worry about them. For now, at least.
We can kill the Yankee killers. It can be done. In a non-lethal way, of course.
Gil Them
Gil Them All
Why did they not make the roster?
Am I missing something?
The Yankees Batting order is about to drop. Hopefully Bellinger's ankle is OK
Rufus-
Bichette hurt since early Sept.
Scherzer ineffective
Bassitt bad back
"For example, take Vlad Jr. Whenever I see this finely rounded, trust-funded, fully-entitled nepo baby, I think of how he once vowed - and you could quote him! - to never, ever, EVER - not in this life or the next - allow his perfect rump to be soiled by Yankee pinstripes. He would never play for us."
Mr. Seely ought to be ashamed of having written this sentence. Perhaps he is unaware of the circumstances that Vladimir Guerrero Sr. grew up in as a child in the Dominican Republic. Hall of Famer Vlad Guerrero Sr. worked hard at the game of baseball to earn the money he made over his HOF career and to give his children opportunities he never had. While it's obvious his name carried a lot of weight, his son did not reach the major leagues without the talent necessary to play the game at a high level, as evidenced by his career statistics. Vlad Jr. may be many things, but he is the furthest thing from a "nepo baby" I can think of. "Nepo baby" should be a term reserved for the likes of Hal Steinbrenner, Donald Trump, and his ne'er-do-well offspring.
Talk about sideways driving.
Thanks Doug. Should have been paying attention especially since I saw them play the Yankees last month
Check his similarity scores at b-r and you'll see how over hyped he was.
Plus you may want to read Duque's prose a little more frequently and recognize one of his tools is hyperbole.
He's in.
Anyone else hoping for a Cubs/Yankees WS?
Not that it will happen...
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