Uh-oh. Teixeira's still hoping for his wrist to heal

Over the years, Yankee fans have learned one critical lesson about the way bad news leaks out to the Yankiverse:

Whenever a Yankee gets hurt, and the team says he's fine, day to day, expected back soon, he should be fine... well... gubye, it's ovah, kaputski, he's done. 

We saw it with Jeter. We saw it with Hafner. We saw it with Nix. We saw it with Gardner. We saw it with Youkilis. We saw it with Cervelli. We saw it with Bosch. We saw it with Vidal frickin Nuno.

And we saw it with Tex. Oh, yes, did I forget him? We saw it Tex.

So this is what Tex tells Jack Curry of YES:

"Right now, I’m six months out of surgery. Will I be 100% day one? I hope so... Even my doctor said ‘it’s going to keep getting looser, keep getting stronger’ … I’m a little anxious about the way I’m going to feel, but I know that as long as I’m doing what I’m told, doing what I’m supposed to be doing, that I should be fine.”

Gubye, it's ovah, kaputski, he's done.

Listen: At the risk of inciting Yankee food riots, let's step back and think with our heads. Tex is simply worried. That's all. He's prudent to worry. Anybody would be. There is absolutely no reason to OH GOD, WE ARE SO SCREWED, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, WE ARE SO DEFINITELY SCREWED, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? WE DIDN'T EVEN SIGN MARK REYNOLDS, AND WE DON'T HAVE ANYBODY TO PLAY FIRSTBASE, NOBODY, BECAUSE BRIAN MCCANN HAS NEVER PLAYED FIRST, AND NEITHER HAS CARLOS BELTRAN, AND OHMYGOD WE ARE SO SCREWED, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THIS MEANS? IT MEANS WE'RE GOING TO RESIGN LYLE OVERBAY. THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS. OMYGODWEARESOSCEWED. GAHHHHHHHHHH-

Yankees one of five nominees for a Tanaka Award (aka: The Tanaky)

What an honor. The Yankees are one of the five finalists for Masahiro Tanaka.

The other nominees are:

The Los Angeles Dodgers (Dallas Buyers Club).
The Seattle Mariners (12 Years a Slave).
The Chicago Cubs (Gravity).
The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, California (Her).
The Arizona Diamonbacks (Nebraska).

And a write-in candidate, Boston? (The Wolf of Wall Street).

Can you feel the jitters? Who should we wear? Gotta lose six pounds. Must fit in that suit. Do we dare write our acceptance speech? So many little people to thank. The Steinbrenners, Mr. Cashman, the team, the fans. Must be gracious. Only get thirty seconds. Don't forget to thank God. Need a few stiff ones beforehand. Fasten the zip. No wardrobe malfunctions. Keep the smile on. If we lose, don't give the bastards anything to use against us.

But damn: When Bud Selig and Yu Darvish open the envelope up on the stage, I might faint.

Gotta go work out. Get the hair done. Gotta look good. (Should we take out another ad in the Tokyo newspaper?)

Of course, if we're not chosen, it's still a great honor. And who knows, at the after-party party, we could take home a Ubaldo.

Stringbean Sabathia? Will somebody please send this man some cheeseburgers?

CC Sabathia's Baseball Reference page lists him as 6'7" tall and 290 pounds. He'll be 33 this season, and the Yankees have him signed through 2017 - that is, unless he wilts away into nothingness.

In the latest photo making the rounds, CC looks like Manute Bol after an enema. This is no 290-pounder. This is a Jenny Craig graduate who caught Dengue Fever. CC looks so svelte, so slim, that your first thought is that Lena Dunham's agent is working the Photoshop, or that he's trying out for Matthew McConaughey's role in a dinner theater version of Dallas Buyers Club. It's not just the cut of the tuxedo. If it were, that's the suit we all could use.

Yesterday, some trainer attempted to assure the Yankiverse that all is well, that CC is merely on a super-training regiment, that he's converted all that old baby fat into muscle, that he's becoming a rock-ribbed power blaster, that he's in the best shape of his life, that blah, blah, blah... go back to sleep and buy more tickets.

I dunno.

CC came to camp last year touting a slimmer than usual figure, due to a tricky knee. The expectation was that by reducing pressure on his legs, he could lengthen his career. Only problem: His fastballs turned into Happy Meals. He went 14-13 with an ERA just shy of 5.00 - worst of his career. Unless he retrieves his old speed, or becomes a junk-baller, we might not be worrying about him lengthening his career.

OK... let's give him benefit of the doubt. After a bad year, you gotta try something. And CC is a legitimate great Yankee. He's won the right to make his own training decisions. If he wants to join Weight-Watchers, so be it. But this is no 290-pounder. He looks closer to 220. And excuse me if I go binge on wings just to calm my nerves.  This looks like an entirely new pitcher coming to camp. And who knows if he'll be any good?


Once again, the Yankees are getting a glimpse of the downside of long-term contracts to 30somethings. No team, regardless of its money, can consistently contend without young players reinvigorating the roster. And if each year we squander our first-round draft pick in order to sign yet another oldster to a seven-year bomb - (hello, Jacoby!) - we are going to be watching photographs like this one - or the famous "Jeet and Eat" shot from last winter - and shaking our heads. If CC doesn't return to form, 2014 could be a meltdown year. Let's hope the Yankees leave themselves an escape hatch - with ample food supplies to last through next winter.

Two weeks until The Master returns in the 2014 Kitten Bowl

Does the NFL really think anybody 

will watch Bruno Mars?

By this time next week, the Yankees will have Tanaka, or Ubaldo, or a very good view of the abyss

Usually, sometime in August or September, a confluence of events brings brain damaged souls like us - born to live or die with the NY Yankees - to claim that everything, everything... EVERYTHING!... hinges on one critical game. 

Well, this year that game came early. It's this week.

(OK, I know what you're thinking: Yes, this is ridiculously premature and overstated. We all know this. A million factors can save or kill the Yankees' year. In fact, usually, the big game in August, that one we target, doesn't truly make or break our season. But this IS it. All those other times, when we're wrong? Forget them. THIS IS IT.) 

This week, the Yankees could be chosen by Masahiro Tanaka as winners of the 2014 International Star Award, vaulting us into contender status in the AL East - and the land of 35 percent luxury taxes. If Mr. Tanaka selects us - and we hope that he is reading this, and recognizes how much we love him - who knows? We could win something.

If Mr. Tanaka bypasses the Yankees, Brain Cashman will likely run to sign Ervin Santana or Ubaldo Jimenez, the sloppy seconds of 2014's winter. This news will be met across the Yankiverse with a collective sigh of hopelessness. All season, we will be playing for the one-game wild card.

There is a third possibility: That if we whiff on Mr. Tanaka, Hal 9000 directs the Brainster to stay within the infamous payroll target of $189 million. We would be biting the bullet. Over the long haul, this could be the best thing that ever happens to the Yankees. If they could shed the luxury tax burden, retool the farm system, and develop two or three solid players, the franchise could rise in 2015 in the way Boston did last year. (Big if's, though.) But 2014 will be a blank spot on the fossil record.

In other words, folks, everything, everything, EVERYTHING! hinges on the next few days. 

R.I.P. Carlos Silva, the quiet passenger

Sad news. Carlos Silva, the silent presence during every Yankee radio broadcast, has died of cancer at age 50.

Silva produced the games, and from the teasing way that John and Suzyn spoke about him and to him, it was clear that he was part of a closely knit family.

I saw a picture of him today. He looked nothing like I envisoned. For some reason - my own hangups, probably - I pictured him as a twentysomething engineer, someone who was chiding - and constantly being chided by - the stars of the booth. In fact, he had a long and successful career, a wife and a family, and I am sure that, among those who knew and worked with him, he cannot be replaced.

The show will go on. It always does. But 50... that is way too soon.

10 golden reasons why Syracuse needs another sports arena

Last week, the Syracuse University super-brains unveiled their two-year-old scheme plan for a spanking new, $500 million sports arena. This wondrous money grab  opportunity became public just as Gov. Andrew Cuomo was finalizing his 2014-15 annual budget goodie-bag. With better timing and a little extra grease, SU might have scored a quick $200 million from Albany, without  even having to tell the city of Syracuse. But - hey - what football town can't appreciate the old End-Around?

Seriously: Who needs public debates? After all, SU has the prestigious Maxwell School of Citizenship and Public Affairs, whose resident Oh-Dears pontificate about democracy, while the Pooh Bahs decide things behind closed doors. What are we, Utica? This is Syracuse, the city that birthed the drive-through bank teller and the popular teen craze, "Knock-Out." So what if the city's infant mortality rate belongs in a Third World country, and the waters of Onondaga Lake still look made from frozen concentrate, a new 40,000-seat arena could snag us an NCAA championship! That would mean a parade! 


Face it: There are TWO HUNDRED MILLION crisp reasons why SU needs a new sports toy. But let's cap the number at 10.

10 GOLDEN REASONS WHY SYRACUSE NEEDS ANOTHER ARENA

1. Hockey fans are sick of being unable to score good seats for Syracuse Crunch games when Hershey comes to town. A 40,000 seat thingy would solve that problem. Good grief, when those pesky Binghamton Senators play us, they bring their families. With a new facility, we'd have a place to put 'em: The nosebleed section!

2. Nothing stinks more than when the Carrier Dome is reserved for use, leaving the area with no sports or entertainment venue, aside from Manley Field House, the SRC Arena, Coyne Field, the Lampe Center, the Onondaga County War Memorial, LeMoyne's Niland Complex, the State Fair Coliseum, Chevy Court, the Landmark Theatre, Destiny, the Turning Stone Casino, the entire the town of Fabius, and that venerable ballpark home of the Syracuse Chiefs, "Your Name Here" Stadium. Where can we hold the next Benny Mardones concert? We could lose our gun shows to Cortland.

3. A new arena on the Eastern fringe of the downtown will help Syracuse grow the bars on the Eastern fringe of the downtown. Right now, the hot bar action is on the Western flank, Armory Square. What about our Eastern bars? Shouldn't they get a swipe of the card? Hey, think we could get the 2015 Redneck Summer Games? That would boost the Eastern front.

4. Syracuse needs an identity upgrade. For 100 years, we were "the Salt City." Today, that's a dangerous diet. Now, we're "the Emerald City," a true WTF? moment for all who visit. We need a new handle. How about THE ARENA CITY...  with more domes per capita than anywhere in the world! Welcome to Syracuse, Home of the Sell-Out!

5. It's just state money? It's not like we paid for it. It's free money, from Albany! Cuomo gets it from Obama, who gets it from China, which owns all of Utah, where the Mormans secretly keep the Arc of the Covenant, from which all earthly currency emanates. Nobody will miss $200 million. It's free! Money! For you, and you, and YOU! Freeeeee!


6. The current arenas are antiquated. Take SRC Arena, for example. It's now three years old.  Time for the wrecking ball. The Carrier Dome? It still doesn't have cup-holders. Have you peed lately at the War Memorial? (Good luck finding hand soap.) One of these days, we'll all have rashes, or bed bugs, or bad backs, and everybody will say, Why didn't we build that new arena? 

7. A new arena could attract a new pro sports team, such as in the WNBA. How about the Syracuse Snow Queens! More teams mean more games. More games mean more tickets sold. That creates the famous Economic Development Ripple Effect. Did you know that one dollar you spend for a football ticket generates $7,003 in economic stimulus, according to the Football Concussion Institute of Math, where numbers are crunched by ex-Green Bay Packers, recovering from head injuries. If you buy a Chiefs t-shirt, you're feeding 100 children for a month. 


8. The I-81 overpass through Syracuse, which is sagging like a rope bridge. The whole city is debating what to do. A new arena would solve that issue: Without any money, we can't do anything!  No more arguments. Just ram all the traffic into the arena's parking lots, and let folks tailgate until they sort things out. End of problem.

9. Naming rights. A new arena presents a golden opportunity for some rich bum-wad or institution in need of p.r. power-wash to stick their names onto something positive, for a change. (Think: Golisano Children's Hospital.) That weird shake-up at Upstate Medical Center? Ladies and gentlemen, it's the "Upstate Medical Center Hope Gardens!" Death weapons buzzing Hancock Air Base? Welcome to the Syracuse Predator Drone Dome! 

10. Luxury boxes! Come on, folks, let's get real: That is all this is about. The new arena will have bigger, better, more luxurious sky-boxes than everything we currently can offer to the 1 percent. And frankly, why even bothering with a debate? We've seen this movie. We know how it ends. If they don't get the $200 million this time, they'll just come back next year, or the year after, until they do. And they'll win - of course, they will - because they'll promise jobs.

That's all. Jobs. Nobody cares what we're building. Just give them a job. Let them show up, flag cars for eight hours, and then go home. Mission accomplished. Remember that Kevin Costner box-office turkey, "Water World," where the crazy leader Dennis Hopper has all the men on his boat rowing and rowing - they don't know where they're going on the ocean - but they row, row, row... for the sake of rowing? Well, that's us. When did we ever question what to build? Certainly not with super-brains on a hill, happy to think for us, behind those doors.

In defense of... (gasp!)... the infamous Cito Culver

To hear various bleating voices from the Yankiverse, the Yankee brain trust should be fired because of Cito Culver. Last week, one blogger called the former first round pick a complete whiff. (Ah, the reason we blog: to vent.) Culver was selected number 32 - end of the first round - of the 2010 draft, outraging all those experts who consider themselves to be the Mel Kiper of baseball. (Which is terrifying, if you think about it.)

In his great novel, "The Art of Fielding," Chad Harbach writes about a prospect who is told by the St. Louis Cardinals that they'll draft him first, if he'll sign for a certain amount. He jumps at it. Thus, the team can spend bigger on other picks, luring studs away from college. It's a viable strategy, which the Yankees played. Did it work? Too soon to say. But some people can't move beyond ripping Culver as Exhibit A in the case against Brian Cashman.

Fact is, they're wrong.  Culver, 21, is a fine prospect, and it's time for folks to stop whipping him like a rented mule. In the middle of last season, he quit trying to be a switch hitter, and now bats exclusively from the right side. His average jumped 40 points. He hit .313 in August and moved to High A. Here's what he did between Charleston and Tampa.

Listen:  If Culver takes three years to reach the Yankees, he will be still only 24. He has a gun for an arm, and his glove is solid, and if he can hit .250, we've got our shortstop.  By the end of next season, he could be knocking on the door.

I'm always good for ripping the Yankee brass, which seems to hate all its own prospects - and prefers players on the way down to those on the way up. That's a strategy doomed to fail.   But good grief, cut Cito Culver some slack.

Fallon thanks A-Rod

Part of his Friday "thank you" notes: 

"Thank you, A-Rod, for getting a one-year suspension for performance enhancing drugs. I know you're upset. But at least now, you'll have time to get it out of your system."

The first sign that we will not hook Tanaka

In his next tweet, he says the Yankees say they're just doing "diligence."

Maybe.

Either way, dark news. Frankly, if the Yankees cannot sign Tanaka, I'd rather see them go for the $189 million payroll than throw in with Santana for three to five years.

The Ancient Order of Berra-ians: 2014 Yanks will sport the second oldest offense in baseball history

A guy at Baseball Prospectus crunched the numbers to project the 2014 Yankees with the second oldest everyday lineup in the history of baseball.

Yes,  we're the Feeble Empire... The Nine Shades of Gray.

Last year's Yankee lineup averaged an age of 31.9 years. This year, even without A-Rod, the team is anticipating a batting order of 33.6 years. 

Comrades, this is truly an accomplishment, a monument to the inability - or unwillingness - to see forests for trees. The 2013 Yankees lost more time to injuries than any other team in baseball, and there's not a Yankee fan in captivity who could not see the absolutely critical need for an infusion of youth.

So... Carlos Beltran.

Yes, they got older.

The 2006 SF Giants - anchored by Barry Bonds, when his head was the size of a weather balloon - remain history's oldest lineup. They didn't make the post-season.

The 2014 Yankees: Every Day... Old-Timers Day!

Waiting for the Redsocks to strike in the Tanaka sweepstakes

Yesterday, we learned the Cubs have leaped into the Masahiro Tanaka bidding war - this, after days of "news" reports claiming the action had boiled down to the Yankees v. Dodgers. Obviously, those reports were crapola. Let's face it, nobody - not Joel Sherman, not Pope Gammons, not even Randy Levine - has a track on what Tanaka wants in his next baseball team.

But if it's a ring next year... well... the team most likely to supply it happens to also have $100 million lying around - the Jacoby Ellsbury Farewell Fund - and these days, they're acting awfully damn quiet. "Too quiet," as Ward Bond would say, sitting around the Wagon Train camp fire.

If you were the Boston GM, and you wanted to turn one World Championship into three or four - a "dynasty," they call it - here's your ticket. If the Redsocks ante up - say- $120 million over six years, they can also guarantee him the 2014 Post Season, the loony loyal fan base, friendly toadies in the ESPN and FOX booths, and - if he's of the mind - a safe and secure PED-supplying network, (which the Yankees clearly cannot offer.)

Boston is a position to put the Yankees in its rearview mirror for the next three years.  Don't think they are unaware of this. Don't get comfy over news stories that are based in ether, or anything that suggests the Redsocks will sit this out.

Be afraid, Yankiverse. Be very afraid.

Now that they hold the key to a managerial challenge, will home team broadcast booths run instant replays in a timely manner?

Last season was a disaster for the New York Giants and coach Tom Coughlin. But early on, one game seemed to hinge on an instant replay challenge. There was a critical first-down pass, which might have been dropped, and Coughlin was ready to throw his challenge flag. But you could see him awaiting word from a coach upstairs, who was waiting for the FOX TV crew to replay the pass. When FOX didn't do it, Coughlin called a timeout. Obviously, he wanted more time for FOX to run the replay, so he could see if it was worth issuing a challenge. But FOX cut to a commercial, and when the game returned, Coughlin threw the challenge and lost - and the Giants lost two time outs. A miserable moment in a miserable season.

Last night, I was remember that moment, after MLB announced it will use the instant replay. Because the Yankees have the YES Network, which will be quick to run the Super YES-MO replay on any call that goes against us. Joe Girardi will never have to blindly challenge a call, because YES will be on it. But if the play goes against us, will YES hurry to run it?

Baseball isn't like the NFL, where all games are broadcast by a major network. Each MLB team has its own TV network, and some in the booth are notorious homers. (Not the Yankees, of course. Other teams, obviously.) 

If the Yankees are hosting, say, Houston. Will the Astros broadcast crew be using the YES camera feed? Or will they bring their own camera crew? Will there be conflicting booth reviews, before the managers decide whether to use one of their challenges? This will never be a big issue - unless the day it becomes one. Then it will be a doozy.

Did baseball just kill the rhubarb?

Nothing could beat a Lou Piniella, out-of-body, fall-to-the-knees, primal scream session, over a close call. Yes, Billy Martin could kick field goals, Bobby Cox could yell, and God knows what Earl Weaver said, but when Lou threw a base into the dugout, you were seeing pure, uncut, felony-grade American rage. You were seeing baseball.

Yesterday, Major League Baseball approved the use of video replays on close calls. From now on, if the Yankees get screwed on a play at first, Joe Girardi will simply walk out and call for the replay. If it's after the seventh, the umps will probably beat him to the punch.

It's up, and it's... GOOD!

Don't get me wrong. This change was always going to come. It's overdue, considering how replays have become a part of the NFL, (though it's maddening that every touchdown, regardless of need, requires a review.) But somewhere, the ghost of Ralph Houk is slinging chains against the wall. And no matter how you slice it, baseball just ceded another part of its humanity to the corporations that rule the sports industry.

There will still be arguments. Balls and strikes can be disputed. Bean balls can be thrown. Runners will leave base paths, and managers will occasionally blow just for the sake of blowing. But teammates won't have to haul Brian McCann from the field on a close play at the plate. They'll just stand back and watch the Jumbotron.

Just saying. "Kill the umpire!" is dead. From now on, "Call the umpire!"

Highlight of the Winter

Bigger than Mariano: It's time to imagine Bud Selig Day at Yankee Stadium

It's hard to blog with tears in your eyes.  But that's today's situation, as we try to digest the game of baseball without dad, er, Bud Selig - damn, did I call him "Dad" again? It's hard not to think of dad Uncle Bud that way. Now, they say he's going to go? Nooo, say it aint so!

All last year, Bud must have looked at Mariano Rivera's final tour and thought, "Damn, what did that little punk do for the game?" When Uncle Bud, goes, baseball should build him a pyramid.

So... it's time to ponder Bud Selig Day, the greatest commissioned commissioner celebration in baseball history, when thousands - nay, millions! - will bid dad Bud adieu.

Before the game, the great stars Bud personally touched will honor him on the field. There will be Senator George Mitchell and the entire Redsocks organization, which skated through Bud's steroids probe. Big Papi will tell the world that Bud was "f----n awesome!"

Then comes a parade of 1990s lawyers, who received full time jobs trying to defend Bud's collusion plan, which screwed free agents like Jack Morris out of an estimated $280 million, before it was clobbered in court.

At this point, Bud will symbolically shove swords into an effigy of former commissioner Fay Vincent, signifying how dad Bud took over baseball, by eliminating the commissioner's office entirely, so the game could be run by the owners, without a central authority, which could be so easily sued.

After the bloodletting, the Bud Selig Day game itself will be delayed 150 days, symbolizing the players strike of 1994, which Bud oversaw in an attempt to force a payroll cap onto the sport. Replacement players will take the field and then be paid to leave, giving homage to the man who canceled the first World Series since 1904.

When the game is played, it will feature the Minnesota Twins, who Bud attempted to scrap, a move that would expand the market of the Milwaukee Brewers, the team from which he completed "divested" himself, after passing it onto his daughter.

The game will feature a special treat: Spider-Man 3 logos painted on all the bases - oh, but don't worry traditionalists. No logos on home plate! No way, not there - because Bud never believed in rank commercialization.

In the first three innings of the game, each team will hit 70 home runs, showcasing the the celebration of modern protein enhancements, which helped dad Bud in his campaign to restore baseball to popularity, after the strike of 1994.

Then, in the fourth inning, all the home runs and all the home run hitters will be abruptly deleted from the box score, as if none of it ever happened. It will be a tie game, and the two teams will play a ONE GAME PLAYOFF... with the winner gets to advance to the real ONE GAME PLAYOFF for the post season, and also for the chance to win home field advantage in next year's All-Star Game, which Bud will call after nine innings, because no team sent pitchers.

In the ninth, with the game designated a tie - (the two teams will play another ONE GAME PLAYOFF to determine who goes to the ONE GAME PLAYOFF) - special ceremonies will be held. Bud will receive the gift of sex from a team of fawning announcers from Fox, or ESPN, or whatever network happens to be paying for the rights - and, by the way, charging about $5 a month to every cable subscriber in America, a de facto tax, whether they care or not about sports. The owners will present Bud with his annual check for $23 million, and Bud will announce that he's done a great job, and that, "Baseball considers itself the luckiest sport on the face of the earth."

A special MLB drone will land on the field, and Bud will be lifted into the sky - straight to Cooperstown for induction ceremonies - while Tim McCarver leads the crowd in singing,  "So Long, It's Been Good Ta Know Ya."

For the next hour, people will gather around the Bud Selig statue, where Alex Rodriguez has been chained, to pose for selfies. Through the miracle of modern technology, the statue will grow live human hair. It'll be great, except that we'll have to see it through the tears.

Hal Steinbrenner, supercomputer: “I’m pretty objective in my thinking. This is business. I’m just focusing on the team, a player. Is the player an asset to the club or not? That’s about as far as I look. I don’t get personal.”

In his first post-A-Rod appearance, the HAL 9000 owner-bot was wheeled into view yesterday to process questions from an assembly of Gammonite interfaces. Usually, HAL beeps once for yes, twice for no. But this time, to dispel fears that the Yankees do not have a super-analytical mind at the top of the beer chart, HAL 9000 spoke, calculated minor algorithms and gave everyone a dazzling glimpse into the digital mind of this super Yankee warlord. Highlights:

On the computational sense of time: "I have not thought about 2015 nor am I going to. My focus has to be on right now."

On the unlimited potentials of problem solving: "Pitching, starting pitching, is an area I believe we still need some help. We're looking at a number of possibilities and we're talking to a number of people."

On "emotional" attachments:  "I love hockey. I don't follow it as much as some people do, probably. I love the sport."

On maintaining a binary hockey modality: "I am a Rangers fan and I root for the Lightning as well. Those would be my two teams. I have no others."

On projecting statistical variations: "Hopefully... we'll have a more normal year when it comes to injuries and the team we hope and the fans expect to see is on the field."

On reality v. anticipated projections: "I wish our Minor Leagues were a little bit better than they are. I wish that some of the prospects we were so excited about had panned out the way we thought and hoped they would. But it is what it is."

On calculating numerical jersey retirement probabilities: " We're going to figure out just whose numbers are going to be retired... Sometime in the next few weeks we'll be talking about it. It could be none, one or multiples. You've been around long enough to know that it's a very special thing for us. It's not something we do lightly."

Rumors about Logan Forsythe and Bronson Arroyo raise Yankee fan excitement to explosive fever pitch

It’s that time of year, the Scrap Heap Season, which no one plays with more starling-into-the-picture-window, splattering intensity than Brian “Crash” Cashman. If you invited this man for dinner, he’d spend most of the time in your garage, looking for treasures. He’d make you an offer for that prized painting of the dogs playing poker. And today, he’s at it again, said to be working his magical spells to pry loose Logan Forsythe – yes, the Loganberry himself - from the pesky Padres of San Diego. That kind of pillow talk ratchets NYC excitement levels to Defcon 5. Forsythe in Pinstripes? PINCH ME!

But wait, there’s more! If the Yankees order now, MLB might throw in Bronson Arroyo, at no extra charge. Yes, the first true victim of A-Rod stands as the possible Yankee pitching fallback if the touring giant lizard from Japan, Masahiro Tanaka, takes his atomic breath to the Dodgers. Maybe I’m self-projecting, but some disturbing signs popped up in the last 24 hours to suggest the Yankee deal might be headed south. Two stories in the New York Post – the journalism equivalent of a backyard planter for Yankee bigwigs - are basically telling us not to expect or want Tanaka. An unnamed Yankee official says he’s “not sold” on the guy, and another says Tanaka’s pop star wife prefers the Mileys and Gwyneths of Los Angeles to cold NYC. Yes, blame it on Yoko.

Remember the days just before Cano dropped his Seattle bomb? The Yankee upper-level brownouts planted a story in the Post that said Robbie craved only money and didn’t care about team loyalty. It was a shot across the bow and, in retrospect, an attempt to deflect what they already knew: Cano was gone. So, are they doing it again? (Better question: Why wouldn’t they be doing it again?)

The Yankees this winter have been harder to figure out than traffic cones on the George Washington Bridge. They ran out and signed Brian McCann to a five-year-deal, and then Jacoby Ellsbury to seven -  two long term contracts that will eventually haunt them – while they we whining about Alex Rodriguez’ last few years. Then they added three years to Carlos Beltran – something they refused to do the last time he was a free agent, back when he was younger. Were they just grabbing the biggest names available, because Robbie was heading out the door? Now, they have George Costanza and Bert Convey to pitch every fourth and fifth day, or to play 2B and 3B – while they count on Derek Jeter and Mark Teixeira making full recoveries, and nobody else to get hurt.

Is there a plan here, other than to deflect criticism when something is on the horizon? The Yankees are talking about a trade for Forsythe – an infielder who batted .214 last year – and/or signing Arroyo, the living definition of a middling 5^th starter. Yes, I know, I know, I know... spare parts can be critical to a team. And if you're talking about Forsythe as the 25th man, no sweat. If Arroyo is the long reliever, no problem. But right now, Forsythe could bat seventh, and Arroyo would start every fourth game. That's going to beat Boston? On what planet?

The Yankees better find some NYC celebrities that Mrs. Tanaka wants to meet. Hello, Miley? Wanna host Saturday Night Live again?

Scrap Heap Baseball, everybody. If you see Brian Cashman, lock your garage.

For the Low Price of Ten Clicks, the Voice of the Red Sox Will Teach You Who to Hate

NESN's Villain List stars a suspended Yankee, an ex-Yankee and a Yankee GM... plus some players who were never Yankees at all!

Did you know that the Yankees have been "making it rain this offseason?"

Let's face it: 2014 is Tanaka... or $189 million and retool

Between now and January 24, Masahiro Tanaka will decide the future of the New York Yankees. His agent will call Brian Cashman and give the verdict on whether the team should try to win this year or start looking down the road.

Strange, how it's come to this, eh? We've tracked through a dead farm system, an aging lineup and the public banning of A-Rod. The Redsocks now sit atop the world of baseball, and the Yankees - o, those mighty Yankees - are grasping for the 2014 one-game playoff, that phony post-season that was installed to make MLB look a little less like the National Pastime and a little more like the NBA.

Well, if we sign Masahiro Tanaka, the Yankees could be competitive this year. Add an ace pitcher to the lineup, well, that's can put a so-so team into the playoff mix. Suddenly, the Yankees could be a trade deadline acquisiton from the post-season. Hey, ya' never know.

But without Tanaka, well, ouch. Good luck, Yankee fans. Without Tanaka - or the Tanaka we're hoping he'll be - the Yankees must hope for a) Sabathia to put on 30 pounds and get younger, b) Kuroda to take off 40 innings and get younger, c) Nova to add three years of maturity, d) Phelps/Pineda/Bannelous/Nidal - good grief - why bother listing them all? - to become Andy Pettitte. All this must be added to a batting order thick at the top and pencil lead thin at the bottom. And then there are the injuries, sure to ravage such an old roster. Nope. Without Tanaka, this is a team likely to be out of the race by August 15, and there will be no worse place to play sports in America than Yankee Stadium for the final six weeks. We'll be watching Slade Heathcott playing Kevin Maas.

Without Tanaka, there is - well - Ubaldo Jimenez, and another lost draft pick. Without Tanaka, there is Adam Warren, a perfectly fine long reliever, asked to throw 180 innings. Without Tanaka, the Yankees roll the dice on a Brett Gardner trade, and even if they succeed, it's hard to imagine their strengths overcoming their weaknesses.

January 24 is the deadline. That's when Masahiro Tanaka decides the future of the Yankees in 2014. Amazing, eh, that you can invest so much money into an operation and still be waiting for the call.
Amazing.