Did you say Sloppy Seconds?

Warning for 'unanimous' and 'she-fan': The first part of this post is NOT about the New York Yankees...

According to Sean Avery of the Dallas Stars, this is what sloppy seconds looks like. He's a ballsy guy to talk about Jack Bauer's daughter like that.

I may be high as a kite on Vicodin after having my wisdom teeth pulled yesterday, but if that's sloppy seconds, tell me where to sign up. Elisha Cuthbert, you can reach me at sloppysecondsiswhereitsat@gmail.com.

In some baseball news today, the Atlanta Braves traded for ex-Yankee great Javier Vazquez.

The Braves are also said to be high, as they are preparing a five year offer for AJ Burnett.

And finally, midgets around the world rejoiced today as the Red Socks dropped a contract extension on 2B Dustin Pedroia that pays him roughly $1 million an inch over the next 6 years.

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Just wanted to take a minute to FULLY AGREE with El Duque's 5:59 a.m. post, Yankeetorial: Why Are We Being Miserable Cheap Bastards?

It seems over the last few years the majority of Yankees fans, perhaps tired of watching teams like the Marlins, et al, winning the World Series, have become what I like to call 'insta-scouts'.

These are the guys that get a hardon everytime the new Baseball Prospectus comes out, or every time Bill James opens his face hole. These fans know EVERYTHING about guys in every area of the Yankees farm system, as well as from the Mexican Dirt Leagues up to AAA. These are the same assholes who say things like:

"Wow, that Eric Duncan is going to be the best infielder ever" circa 2002.

Or more recently:

"Holy Shit, I just won an Ian Kennedy autograph on Ebay. Someday, that will pay for my kid's freshman year at college!"

Or, my favorite:

"Phil Hughes, Ian Kennedy and Melky Cabrera for Johan who? Shiiiiiit, Terry Ryan must be high! Good for Cashman for not overpaying in prospects!"

People, they are called prospects for a reason. Lets keep in mind that teams like the Marlins, the Twinkies, the Royals and Pirates can't afford the left side of our infield with their yearly salary budget, much less adding a player like CC Sabthia, Mark Teixeira, or Manny Ramirez.

The big debate since free agency opened last month was who were the Yankees going to target and how much they could afford to spend...

Afford to spend?

They are the goddam Yankees! King George must be rolling over in his oxygen chamber! In George's day, the Yankees would buy ALL OF THEM! And don't talk to me about chemistry or payroll. Its not your money, so what do you care if the fucking payroll is $509 million, much less $209 million. And chemistry? Please... Do you think the '77 or '78 teams spent time after each game watching the Brady Bunch together as a group? Do you think the '96 team went to White Castle together on an off-day? Do you think the 2000 team watched 'Band of Brothers' before every game?

Pull you heads out of your asses, insta-scouts! I say we sign all of them, CC, AJ, Manny and Tex.

Its what the old man would have done.