Open letter to the Yankee Brain Trust...
Dear Miserly Cheapskates:
Well...?
We loaded the bases. Now, let's drive in the runs.
Sign Mark Teixiera... Whatever it takes!
Close the deal on the next four pennants.
Sign Teixiera. Now. It's simple. This new Manny talk is insane. Twenty-five million a year? Nooooo.
Teixiera! Teixiera! TEIXIERA!
Listen: Do you really intend to spend Girardi's left nut on pitching, then turn the season over to Nick Swisher and Juan Miranda? Are you really going to let the Redsocks grab the best free agent, replaying that horrible winter when we signed Moose and they signed Manny? Because, folks, we know how that turned out, eh?
Sign Teixiera!!!!
Who are we? The guy who plays a hand of poker, wins ten bucks, then runs home because he's worried about a 0.15 BAC? That's the Kansas City Royals. Remember, boys, WE FRICKING MISSED THE PLAYOFFS LAST YEAR, AND WE'RE NOT GETTING YOUNGER! To win, we have to shell out wicked dinero -- that's right: cabbage, scoot, earwax, bazarggo, congel, skeeejeeema! Are we clear on this, Halboy? We can't leave the table until we're blowing a 0.35 with Tex strapped to the bumpers. SIGN TEIXIERA!
OK. Sorry about boldfacing you. But I get emotional when I'm right.As for all you wimpy "Oh-dear!"s out there, who think we shouldn't use our wallet, because other teams will hate us... consider this...
They frickin hate us already.
Hank, Hal, Cash, George, Randy, Stick... Look in the mirrors and ask one question:
Do you want to be good, or do you want to win?
Sign Teixiera. SIGN TEIXIERA. SIGN TEIXIERA!
Pass on him, and you'll regret it with every trip to Fenway. Every time he hits a home run, he's the Santana trade all over again. Every time they visit, you will kick yourselves. You will hate yourselves. You won't even remember what possessed you not to sign him. And Manny... you gotta be kidding? Manny? NOOOOOOOOO.
Listen, guys... it's simple:
We sign Teixiera... We win. Get it? WE WIN!
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5 comments:
Higher annual lower years.
And even with that sign Manny for 3.
Question:
If we dont get Teixiera where do you want to see him?
Orioles dont count because their offer isnt serious, and Tex wont take a contract to go disappear with the Nats unless its like 25+ mill higher then the rest. So Angels or Sawx
We've already gone balls deep with pitching; what's wrong with going all in? Half a billion? So what?
Nobody makes money sound more sexy than you, Duque. Nobody.
How did you know "skeejeeemaaaa" was my safe word?
They do frickin hate us already. Even I frickin hate us. I intend to start therapy to deal with my self-loathing but only after we sign Teixeira.
The stupid Angels got Teixiera this season but they did NOT win the playoffs.
The man we need is Pat Burrell.
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