The LoHud Piece That Was Supposed to Run

My bad. Not his. But Pete ended up posting the wrong version.

For whatever it's worth, folks, this is the draft he was supposed to run on LoHud.


Thuuuuuuuh Golden Sterlings

Top movie performances of 2008

NOMINEES FOR BEST ACTOR:

Don Zimmer..."The Wrestler"

Ian P. Kennedy... "Doubt."

Phil Hughes... "Semi-Pro"

Mark Teixiera... "Yes Man."

Sidney Ponson: "Hellboy II: The Search for the Golden Armrest."

Gerrit Cole... "High School Musical III"

Joe Giardi... "Journey to the Centre of the East."

Johnny Damon... "Forgetting Bernie Williams"

Peter Abraham... "Burn After Reading"

Roger Clemens... "Behind, Rewind."

Scott Boras... "The Dark Knight."

Kei Igawa... "Wilkes-Barre Hills Chihauhau."

Bobby Abreu... "Wall-EEEEEEE!"

Chien-Ming Wang: "Speed Racer."

BEST ACTRESS:

Carl Pavano... "Kit Kittredge: American Girl."

BEST SPECIAL EFFECTS

Robbie Cano, recreating an immovable object: "The Day the Second Baseman Stood Still."

Brett Favre, recreating an immovable object: "The Great Mangini."

Curt Schilling, recreating a wound, "There Will Be Blood."

The Yankee Broadcasting Network, recreating -- uh, let’s no go there. "John & Suzyn Make a Porno."

BEST MOVIE

"Hank and Hal’s Infinite Player List": Two brothers download free agents and take the world by storm.

"Indiana Youkilis and the Curse of the Crystal Skull:" An ancient Greek God of Walks comes to life, and it can only be destroyed by blunt trauma to its head.

"Overfield." A monster, without reason or explanation, destroys New York City’s greatest sports landmark.

"Joba Mia:" The musical salute to a young boy from Oklahoma who learns to love pole-dancing.

"Slumdog Millionaire:" The Bollywood salute to a young boy from Oklahoma who learns to love pole-dancing.

"Melk": A switch-hitter’s career ends abruptly due to his free-swinging ways.

"Iron Man:" Cal Ripken Jr. heroically beats a record set by a guy with a fatal disease.

"The Curious Trade of Betemit-Swisher:" Two prospects’ career trajectories mysteriously move in the opposite direction.

"Liar Liar:" A Yankee manager’s dislike of telling the truth brings trouble from sportswriters.

"Sexson in the City:" A skilled batsman comes to New York in search of new positions.

"Kay/Arod:" The recreation of an historic interview, in which it was learned what kind of pitch was hit for a home run.

"Cashman Hears a Hughes:" Against critics, a GM realizes that, "A prospect’s a prospect, no matter how hurt."

"Quantum of Sojo:" The return of the famous secret agent and bandleader.

"Sweeney Murti, the Bloody Barber of the Bronx:" A Yankee pundit kills to enact revenge.

"Drillbit Sterling:" An announcer punctuates great victories by emulating the sound of a power tool.

"Gran Mariano:" A balding old man rages at troublesome youth, "GET OFFA MY BASES!"