Pinstripes Plus (pay-per-view) rates Dominican Arodys Vizcaino our 14th best prospect. He threw 44 innings last year in the Gulf Coast Fisher-Price league, struck out 48. We signed him July 2, 2007 (aka: Age 16 MLB Latin Pedophilia Day) for a bonus comparable to the salary of the KC Royals infield. Says PP:
"Known for his big league arm, he made tremendous strides smoothing out his mechanics and quickly turning his curveball into a big-time pitch, so much so he now has one of the higher ceilings in the farm system."
Yeahright. Let's can the boolsheet. Judging Dominican prospects is like choosing beer: All you have are fancy labels and price tags... and the ad campaign: Our Yankiganda networks promote them outlandishly. It's not that the writers make shit up. But their Christmas bonuses depend on clicks, and fans love to work their wrists clicking on sites that fantacize about young boys turning into superheros.
(Sorry about that. But every prospect hype needs a disclaimer. See Rickie Aramboles, Jackson Melian, Wily Mo Pena, Elvis Corporan, Teuris Olivaris, et al.)
That said,
THIS GUY IS FUKINAY GOLDEN!
WRITE THIS DOWN:
WE HAVE A NEW AROD.
"A-ROD-IS" VIZCAINO!
Does Madonna know? Does Sterling know? When Arodys throws strike three, "A-rod-is defuses an A-bomb!" We'll have a team of two Arods. (Note: We could have two Melkys, but do we care?)
I hereby call for the Yankiverse to engulf this fledgling Arod embryo within our most potent shield of protection and nurture.
He needs support. He needs understanding. He needs a woman. He needs a good drug deal- uhm, personal trainer. He needs food and nourishment. He needs a mother figure (Madonna?) He needs a father figure. (Uhm, Madonna?) HE IS OUR BACKUP AROD, our AROD first-runner up. And if for any reason the reigning ARod cannot complete his term, the first-runner up must take over duties!)
OK, let's think. What can we do? Find him a girl? Get on it, She-Fan. Get him a Yoda? River Ave. Blues, call Moose. What the hell does Nardi Contreras actually do for a living anyway? Zell? LoHud? Anyone? He should mentoring this kid morsel, taking him to movies and showing him how to whittle so you cut away from yourself, not toward yourself.
Finally, do we have another Jeet? A Mariano? We've got a bucket of Jorges. Where the hell is our next Jeet? Tradition, folks! Tradition.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
The next A-Rod comes on like a dream, peaches and cream, lips like strawberry wine, he's 18, he's beautifiul and he's ours
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8 comments:
Well, Duque, I concede you are likely correct about his age, and the pedophilia signing bonus.
Unfortunately, this guy reminds me of the Hispanic version of Brien Taylor.
He'll never be a Yankee.
Nonetheless, with the proper hype and a $45 million one-year contract, we might we might trade him for the rights to Randy Johnson again.
I might be wrong about this, but I'm pretty sure reprinting stuff from Pinstripes Plus, including his rank, is off limits.
Yup, I was right. Here is a note from the site,
ALSO, and this seems to be a problem every year: DO NOT reveal the rankings, either partially or in full, on other message boards, blogs, sites, etc. Remember this is copyrighted material and we'd hope everybody would respect the other paying subscribers by not divulging any of the information in the rankings...
...including just a listing of the names of the players in the rankings! Basically read the rankings, talk about them on our subscribers forum here, and don't share any of the information anywhere else please.
Hmmm. If they complain, we'll take it off. But that information is from their free site. Anybody can google it and get it.
Ah, I didn't realize that. I imagine its probably all good then. I just didn't want you to lose your membership or something. I don't even know if he does that.
Good read though.
Thanks, Rob, for having my back.
No thanks to YOU, Alphonso. You'd have let those guys put me jail.
You're probably on the phone to them now, telling what I've done.
You really have to laugh at these subscription sites who think they're publishing state secrets and don't want anyone else to use the info.
If that's the definition of "rip off," then the entire blogosphere has been ripping off newspapers and magazines for the past 10 years.
Uh-oh. I made a citizen's arrest a few minutes ago. I'll just go and cancel it now that Pinstripes Plus won't be after you, duque.
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