But listen: They could still beat us. This Michael Pineda debacle has sapped the maple tree of my gib. Last night, I looked at Cashman's deals since November and - yeah, it's early - but not one looks good. The wiliest thing he did - trade with KC for a pick in the Rule 5 draft, then steal Cesar Cabral from Boston - just went south, after Cabral reported a stress fracture in his elbow. Yeah, we haven't played a game, and yeah, it's a long season - but everything Cashman touched has turned to pink slime. He is a juju suitcase bomb. And as a reader deftly pointed out Sunday, everything went bad after Cashman ditched his glasses.
Thus, we all know the type: The office clod, after years of Dwight Shrute nerdhood, gets fitted for contacts and suddenly thinks he's God's gift to women. He believes his penis and IQ just doubled in size, and the next thing you know, he's thrown Jesus overboard and is hanging in a Treadway with the scary lady from "Fatal Attraction."
Remember the great Braves outfielder, Dale Murphy? Had a mole on his face the size of Gary Coleman. Was a lock for Cooperstown. Got the mole jackhammered out. Turned into Dale Evans. The mole deserves a bronze plaque. Dale Murphy is on the waiting list.
Remember the great comedian, Joe Piscopo? Was a regular looking guy. Then one day, started lifting weights and taking steroids. Turned into the Incredible Hulk. Suddenly, nobody could laugh at his jokes. They were too busy looking at his muscles.
Right now, the biggest thing on TV are these reality shows where the fat slob loses weight, or the ex-pol tones up with round-the-clock dancing workouts. We're supposed to see this incredible transition - from the nerd to Thor, the Thunder God - and think of how wonderful their lives must be. But the fact is, you take the glasses off Clark Kent, and more times than not, instead of Superman, you get Lex Luthor. You get a slappy office lothario, who thinks he can do no wrong.
Yeah, it's early. I know that. But this Michael Pineda thing really has me beaten down. For six years, we watched Jesus Montero rise in the system. And he got traded because Cashman ditched his wire-rims? Thank God for the Redsocks. Hey, Bobby V, have you ever thought of Botox?
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2 comments:
Thanks for the repost of my glasses conspiracy comment. We can all 'see' what's going on here, hmmm? Also for the nice ? and the Mysterians LP cover.
I didn't get the connection to Dale Murphy's mole, however. Brilliant. When I was in high school, or college...the 70s haze being what it is, still lingering...Murphy took a job as the sports guy on a local Albany TV station. It was pitiful. The poor guy couldn't even read decently. A series of stumbling sentences, awkward pauses, 'surprise' copy that left him flummoxed...
His mole would have done better. His mole would have been Marv Albert. Without the weird sex stuff and biting his girlfriend's body parts.
Duque, you're doing this to yourself. You're still so traumatized by the Buhner trade that you're reliving it. Tendonitis or no, we still won't know for two years whether Pineda was a good trade or a bad one, unless a piano falls on him. Don't be that piano, Duque. Don't be that piano.
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