International Juju Intervention called for this afternoon

Hello, astral plane? May I speak to the juju god on duty?

Thank you. For a while, I thought I might have to make a deal with Satan. I know he owns a luxury box at the new Yankee Stadium, and when I saw Henry Kissinger at yesterday's game, I figured I might have to sell my soul for this request. Frankly, I'd prefer not to spend eternity in Hell next to the Westboro Baptist Church and whoever is mixing the drinks in Syria. So I'm asking you for one teeny-weeny favor.

Today, throw us a bone... Let us win.

Specifically... Let Andy Pettitte pitch well. Let somebody, anybody - somehow, anyhow - get us through the seventh and eighth innings. Then let Mariano Rivera pitch a perfect ninth. This actually isn't much of a request - they've done it many times - but every now and then, well, we pull a real stinker. And we can't have one today. No sir, not today.

Listen... I'm frickin' old. I remember the farewell tributes to Yogi, Mickey, Whitey - the greatest team in history. I remember hearing the news about Thurman, and watching Reggie come back to haunt us beneath an Angel halo. Today, I'm saying goodbye to the great Yankee team of the nineties - for me, I'm practically saying goodbye to middle age. When Andy and Mariano receive their standing ovations, they will walk as memories kept until the day I die.

Sir, for young Yankee fans, this is it. This is the part of the book where the tribe wanders in the desert for seven years. This could be the greatest memory of 2013 - a year that isn't otherwise going to be cried over.  This is our finale.

Three times this year, we asked you for help. Once, you came through for us. Against Boston, well, I guess we mailed our grant request to the wrong P.O. Box, because you didn't lift a finger.

Now this. Today.

I'll trade the season for a win today.

I'll throw in my "I brake for Youkilis beanings" t-shirt, which Zazzle took off the market. I'll do the dishes next spring. I'll babysit. I'll convert some of your vinyl recordings to digital. I'll help around the house. Today...

I'm hoping you get other calls. I've made peace with the 2013 Yankees not making the playoffs. (It will kick ownership in the pants, where it needs one.) What we request, though, is one final victory. Today, sir. I'm begging you. I really don't want to trade my soul for this. Last thing I want is to be sitting in that box with Kissinger for the next thousand years.

Help us. Send us a double play ball. Send us a stiff wind that holds a ball on a warning track. Send us a borderline strike. One win. Today. One win, and we're square.

Thank you for your time,

Sincerely,

el duque