Friday, July 11, 2014

Excerpts from Derek Jeter’s First Children’s Book: The Very Hefty Banana Hammock

“Bananas bruise easily, because their feelings get hurt,” the Captain warned, wincing at the thought. “Once peeled, each needs a magical spell to stay happy and aloft.”


Uncle Joe looked cross and uncomfortable, as he loosened his belt. “This heat has me bunched to the starboard,” he said. “We need a bigger banana boat.” 


The woodland nymphs played “Swing the Hammock” until old Mr. Torre gave out a loud moan. “"Whooooooah, baby!" he said. "I don't know what enchantments you're using, sister, but I've needed a bullpen session like this for a long time."

The dog said, “Woof.” 
The cat said, “Meow.” 
But the banana remained quiet. 
“Shhh,” the Captain said. “It’s thinking about cottage cheese.”

“Good night, stars. Good night, pillow.
“Good night, wilting, weeping willow.
"Good night, Jills, and good night, Jacks.
"Good night, billiards, in their sacs..."


And the Ball boys, Abe and Ollie, lounged happily ever after, in the hammock built for two.

1 comment:

KD said...

You should get the Ted Williams treatment after you die, duque. that brain of yours is a freak of nature and must be preserved for future generations.