Monday, July 21, 2014

Open letter to Brian Cashman: Here's how the Yankees can obtain David Price

Dear Madam or Sir:

The Gammonites are calling for you to get David Price. No problemo.

Here's how you can do it.

In 2015, when he is a free agent, call him up on the phone. First, you'll need his phone number. You can try the Internet. If that doesn't work, get a phone book, or call someone who may know him and have the number. When you call him, have your secretary say, "Holding on a call from Mister Brian Cashman." This will impress him. It would be nice if your secretary has a sexy voice.

When you get him on the phone, tell him what a fan you are. Tell him how impressed you have always been by him. Be the way you are with Hal Steinbrenner. Sweet-talk him. Get him to meet you for lunch. Take him to a Broadway play. (Not Cabaret or Cats.) Over a big, juicy steak, offer him a big, juicy contract. Sign him.

You will have obtained David Price, the Steinbrenners won't even notice the missing money, and the Yankees will not have given up any young players.

Patience, Grasshopper, patience.

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