Saturday, July 26, 2014

Speechless About What I Obviously Can't Even Mention

It had been suggested by a sociopath in the peanut gallery that a certain someone resembling myself should refrain from certain activities related to the Intertubes due to the possible negative repercussions on a particular professional sports team that shall remain nameless.

These Things That Cannot Be Spoken Aloud Or Even Scribbled Digitally (TTCBSAOESD, known in some writer circles as "Tits and Aesop," for short...writers -- always the sex and fiction references) will not be spoken or scribbled here for fear that the commenter with the Patrick Bateman personality, mentioned above, may be onto something -- or more likely, on something, but whatever. Never look a gift horse in the anonymouth, I always say, just roll with the results.

So, Tits and Aesop and all that, I can only point out that one of the spheroidally-inclined professional sports teams in the general vicinity of New England (but not actually in it) remains the one and only team in their competitive set to post a .500 or better record with a negative run differ...oops, ummm, a lesser record in an important offensive category. You may know the one to which I refer.

Said team prevailed recently due to an Asian tsunami-type event that involved an orbish object landing in a spot known generally by a two-word nickname, the first word of which would be one way to describe the great Peter Dinklage, and the second, perhaps a place where Norman Rockwellesque characters sit nostalgically in wicker chairs on a construction connected to the front of their abode while sipping lemonades.

Also astonishing, two men not known for being effective in recent memory were, in fact, effective. One of them has a first name that, spelled a bit differently, would complete this movie title:  "_________ of the Dead," a film featuring the very funny Simon Pegg. The other man has a last name that is part of what the Big Bad Wolf will do to blow down the door of the Little Piggies' domicile.

As The Master said on this team's radio network a couple of weeks ago, "Now, here's something you can hang your hat on:  three games in the loss column. That's what really matters." Perhaps you don't personally wear a hat, but it doesn't matter. Go buy one and hang it on the aforementioned column or you might jack-indigo-negatory-xavier everything, if you catch my general drift.

Plus, who knew that they guy with the number of all living Popes on his back would be such an impish presence now that he's about to step aside and join Benedict on the unemployment line? Amazing, all of it.

Ah, sorry, that word's been taken for years by the other spheroidally-inclined sports team near, but not in, New England. Tits and Aesop, then, and I'll keep it under that thing hanging on the column, just in case.



15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Excellent piece, John M. "Anonymous" underestimates your ability and has shown gross disrespect. This bit of writing reveals you at your clever best. Since we cannot tar & feather "Anonymous", let's at least piss all over Ryan Dempster by demanding that MLB Network get his sorry Red Sox ass off the TV as an "analyst": mlbnviewerfeedback@mlb.com

Again, kudos to John M.

Anonymous said...

Haha. It took him 2 weeks to write this masterpiece?

Mustang said...

John, I want you to tape this to your bathroom mirror: COMMENTERS ARE GARBAGE.

Anonymous said...

It pains me reading his crap... I thought he was recently confined to just the comments. We haven't had a John M 'post' in a while.

El Duque is amazing. A very, very talented writer, plus he does outreach work by letting John M 'write' for this site...

Saint Duque


Anonymous#2

Anonymous said...

I got a fresh pimp slap for you too, Mustang, if you're feeling uppity....

Anonymous said...

Haaaaaaa

KD said...

ausgezeichnet, John M!!

CS said...

Excellent piece John M, glad to see your back to posting! And Mustang is absolutely correct, jealousy, thy name is Anonymous.

And speaking of the Anonymice, keep up those meetings at the water cooler, your self congratulatory circle jerk never fails to amuse us.

Anonymous said...

Haaaaaaaa

Ken of Brooklyn said...

John M, Sie bringt mir Freude!
Another great post, and it goes without saying to just ignore the naysayers,,,, for all the obvious reasons.

WELCOME BACK!!!!

Alphonso said...

Just a friggen moment; Alfonso is the best writer in this group.

- ananymous

Anonymous said...

It is not jealousy that fuels revolt, but a respect for the overall quality of this blog. That last post was so bad it should have come with a warning for those prone to sleep narcolepsy.
Anonymous 3

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And I can make robot bunny!

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