Thursday, July 31, 2014
Posted by el duque at 11:44 AM
Fifty bucks to anybody who drops the slimy clump of pubescence and learns him, once and for all, that you don't mock a Hobbit-helping Caribbean pirate, not on this website's watch. Not here. Not anywhere. Fifty big ones, dammit. Wait... a hundred, if the beat-down is administered by a female. Tawny, you out there?
That's right, ladies. Hear me out. About 20 years ago, this planet's Secret Ruling Man Committee sent double-naught agent Kevin Federline - alias K-Fed - to mesmerize and ruin the high-and-mighty queen of self-indulgence, Britney Spears. When Kevin was finished, she had a cue ball head, a lifetime of court dates and - worst of all - sizable love handles. It's time for your Secret Womanhood Illuminati to dispatch some twisted, testicle-eating succubus to the land of Molsons and Labatts, and to put this bathtub-toy sound-alike clod into permanent rehab. A hundred bucks. Do it for the Hobbits. Do it for all of us.