Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Posted by el duque at 9:20 AM
Let's face it: As Yankee fans, we can relate to their shame and pain.
Ten years ago - (Spoiler alert: We will soon start reliving the mandatory, ceremonial, national 10-year anniversary crapola) - when Johnny Damon hit his grand slam off Javier Vazquez - (a name that will go down in infamy) - we yearned to run through the streets, overturning cars and ripping fire hyrdrants from the ground... to tear down this corrupt corporate-military-industrial-church complex and toss it into the eternal nothingness, to which it rightfully belongs.
We held our fire. Rather than a mass spree of destruction, we turned inward. We hugged our children, we did our laundry, we took up blogging, we signed AJ Burnett.
I hope the 198.6 million people of Brazil can do the same, with the exception of AJ Burnett. (Who, buy the way, could be a trade target for Brian Cashman over the next two weeks. And to all of you who still think it was a good idea to trade AJ Burnett, keep in mind that over the last two years with Pittsburgh, he had an ERA of 3.31 and pitched nearly 400 innings. We gave him up for an order of French fries. And why? Because Hal Steinbrenner announced an austerity plan THAT HE DIDN'T EVEN FOLLOW THROUGH ON. We traded Burnett for nothing. We didn't save any money. We merely cut off our nose because we were tired of picking it. Yet some of you people - YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE - want to make it seem as though it was SMART to trade Burnett. How can anyone think this? How? Tell me, because I don't see it. And now, watch... Cashman will REFUSE to even consider AJ Burnett because he is, frankly, embarrassed to even hear the name. He'd prefer that nobody ever even mentions AJ Burnett. Well, that AINT. GONNA. HAPPEN.
AJ BURNETT. AJ BURNETT. AJ BURNETT. AJ BURNETT. HEAR THAT, CASHMAN? THAT'S THE SOUND OF HISTORY. AJ BURNETT. AJ BURNETT. AJ BURNETT. DAMN IT, I'M GETTING MAD. WE SHOULD TAKE TO THE STREETS. YOU GET THE TAR. I'LL GET THE FEATHERS. MAYBE IT'S TIME FOR A LITTLE WILDING. TEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY? WE'LL GIVE YOU A TEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY. BRAZIL! VIA BRAZIL! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)