Friday, August 8, 2014

From now on, every fan attending a home game at Yankee Stadium should bring Jeter a gift

Dear Yankiverse:

We're running out of time to show our feelings toward The Captain.

Until today, only teams in distant cities have been able to share in the Derek Jeter Farewell Tour gift ceremonies. They have given The Captain cowboy boots, handmade furniture, nick-knacks and a pile of $10,000 checks made out to Derek Jeter's charity, known internationally as the Derek Jeter Charity.

Surely, sending a $10,000 check, money order, cash, gold or diamonds would be great. But hell, this isn't about money... aka bread, cabbage, skootz, carruba, mignalphancia obligatto. If all you can do is write out a check, take your damn blood money and shove it. This is about personal statements.

Weave a Derek Jeter rug. Make a Derek Jeter candle, pot-holder, clock, coaster or mouse-pad. Put some thought into it. A mix tape? An epic poem?

Steak knives are always appreciated. He probably will need ties for his next career. Subscriptions to magazines make a gift last year-round. My grandmother used to ask for paper products - plates, napkins, towels, scratch pads, etc. They always get used. I've never known a man who couldn't use an extra flash light.

I would stay away from baked goods, sheets (not sure of interior color schemes) and - I mean this in a respectful way - anything with an "NY" logo. For you and me, an "NY" beer mug or BBQ apron is a cool way to express self-identify. Jeter must be tired of seeing them. Also, don't send him any pictures of Minka Kelly or other old flames. He might be touchy.

What should we send on behalf of IT IS HIGH? Any ideas?


Mustang said...

Gift basket.

Celerino Sanchez said...

Incredible edibles are always a welcome hostess gift

Alphonso said...

How about those things grandmothers in the mid-west used to knit, and place around tea-pots?