Friday, August 1, 2014

Ten leftover perplexities about the Yankees following yesterday's trade front explosions

1. I figured we'd trade a catcher. (Technically, you could say we did: But Pete O'Brien hadn't been catching for a while.) We still have 1. McCann, 2. Cervelli, 3. Murphy, 4. Romine (who's salvaging his season at Scranton) and 5. Gary Sanchez, the eternal second coming of Jesus. If the Yankees were a Dr. Seuss book, they would be titled, "The 100 Catchers of Bartholomew Cubbins." Girardi - a catcher - can't walk the a dugout without stepping on a catcher. We now have so many catchers that we play them at 1B, even in the minors. Romine might spend his entire Yankee career rotting at Triple A. Cervelli will hit the market next year. Nobody needs catchers? Damn. We have too many f-kinay catchers!

2. Surely, John Sterling spent last night summoning HR calls for Steven Drew and Martin Prado. "Drew goes boo!" "The devil flares Prado!" He should take up canasta, instead. Together, they might hit five. Still, we're done with "Kelly Kills It," and we'll never know The Master's call for Pete O'Brien. Say what you will about the Yankee p.r. machine's fast and effective whisper campaign against O'Brien - (as it always does after they trade a kid) - he'll hit more HRs than Drew, Prado or Kelly Johnson combined. Just hope this isn't another Jay Buhner.

3. Last winter, wasn't Kelly Johnson signed to play 2B? Essay assignment: Can someone please explain why that never happened?

4. I have an ugly, sinking feeling about this weekend in Boston, even worse than the usual ugly, sinking feelings about weekends in Boston. To begin with, the Redsocks will feel no pressure. The front office just exploded their season. They can drop acid, like Dock Ellis. They can get drunk, like Varitek. We, on the other hand, absolutely, absolutely MUST win! That's trouble.

5. Nothing yesterday saved our imploding bullpen. (OK, we signed some scrap-heaper from Toronto, but don't hold your breath. Since when does Toronto have a better bullpen than us?) Adam Warren has been crumbling for weeks. Now, Betances may have ebola. Other teams are bringing up live arms from the minors. We've burned through our Scranton staff - Whitley, Green, Claiborne, et al. Who pitches the seventh inning in a close game? Who guards the one-run lead? David Huff? Forget it.

6. Does anybody else feel an overwhelming sense of woe over speculation that Steven Drew will replace Jeter? Or him teaming with Prado as our future keystone combo? Wow. Boston next year will have Cespedes, Craig and the usual youth movement, and we'll look forward to new installments of Alfonso Soriano and Brian Roberts? Dear God.

7. It's still all about our disastrous farm system. In a typical year, a thriving minor league system should develop at least one MLB-ready OF, an IF, a utility guy/catcher and a couple pitchers. Boston does it. Tampa does it. Every solid organization does. It's been a long, long time since the Yankees came close. Our last homegrown OF was Gardner. That was 2008. Our last homegrown IF was Eduardo Scissorshands Nunez. That was 2010. Incredible! How can we be so consistently awful, and yet nothing changes?

8. All remaining hopes rest on the Twin Tweaks - Tanaka and Pineda. If both return by - say - late August, we could make a run on that final Wild Card slot. Trouble is, it's time for Kuroda to fall apart. We were supposed to limit his innings this year. That didn't happen.

9. There remains an iceberg dead ahead. With the old and creaky Yankees, there is always a wave of injuries ready to hit. Last year, everything finally collapsed after Gardner went down. Both he and Ellsbury - china dolls for much of their careers - have been almost iron men. Tex is constantly facing bruises, and Jeter - of course - is too old to be doing what he does. We will soon see another blitz of casualties. Just sayin'.

10. Who the hell is Martin Prado? I don't watch Diamondback games. I'll never forgive that wretched organization for mockingly playing "New York, New York" on the p.a. loudspeaker moments after we lost the 2001 World Series - a slimy move that not even the Redsocks would fathom, much less do. I cheer the dust storms that bury that city and ruin their swimming pools. I root for the iguanas. Thus, Prado is a complete mystery. If he turns out to be a grinder - a Gardner or an Ellsbury - well, then we actually won the day, yesterday. Let's see what we got.


Tom said...

Your scouts in Atlanta report that Prado was a super utility man with a good stick for several years with the Braves. They swapped him for Justin Upton and his production tailed off in the last couple of years in the desert. Good guy. Tough guy. A lot like K. Johnson or B. Roberts but "only" 30 years old. The sort of guy who would play catcher if we ever got in a jam and all 32 of our prospects ever got hurt. Far more likely he'll wind up on the mound doing mop-up duty in a blowout. The Yankees are going nowhere this year and probably not next year, either. That would require imagination and courage, and our front office does not seem to be well endowed with anything but cash.

KD said...

I look at the Tigers and A's this morning and I feel myself morphing into Alphonso. How did this happen? Heads must roll. Cashman must go.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

The only consolation from yesterday, at least the front office wasn't as delusional about 'making a run for it' this year to barter away all the youngsters,,,,

Who runs BarterTown, the Tigers and A's!

joe de pastry said...

You're gonna like Prado. He was a gutty, gritty Brave, now he'll be one of the gutty, gritty Yankees who finish seven games behind fucking bucking showalter.
Prado's the one who should play 2B with Drew moving to short when Jeter re-breaks his ankle.

Anonymous said...

Holy shit did the Dbacks really do that in 2001?

Henceforth I shall refer to them as the DBags. Much more accurate.