TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT

TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT
Tonight's moon phase: WANING CRESCENT

FIFTY THOUSAND MOONS

Monday, July 20, 2015

As the trade deadline appears, the Yankiverse hears one cruel name reverberating in the distance: Pap... El... Bon.

Yesterday, CC Sabathia seemingly deleted the top line on Brian Cashman's July 31 Christmas wish list: That ace pitcher who might magically whisk us back to 2009. At least for now, the Evils possess five worthy starters, a decent bullpen and more DH's than Donald Trump has tubes of Super-Glue to secure his coyote pelt. (Our merry-go-round at 2B includes the entire voting population of Scranton, Pa., but that's another matter.)

Obviously, no one knows if CC can keep throwing. Usually, around now, he tweaks a wet willie and spends the next 30 days in an ice bath. But with CC off his meds, Cashman is set: He has no top tier pitcher to chase. He can search for another thirty-something 2B; (he already has one of the world's foremost collections.) But the big deals involve pitching, pitching, pitching... and right now, (that's this minute, not tomorrow, not next week, right NOW) we don't need another starter.

Which brings us to the odious, fecund and borderline repugnant thing known as "Papelbon." I've managed to forget his first name. I won't Google it for this post. It might be Irving, or Enos, for all I care. I hope he reads this and it pisses him off that I didn't bother to look it up. Is it Tommy? Marky Mark?

Write this down: He'll be a Yankee.

He has the criteria: Old, craggy and overpaid. Most of all, he could fit into the bullpen and maybe - just maybe - trim another inning off the current 8-frame Yankee success strategy. (With Betances and Miller finishing off.)

They say he no longer hits 95 on the jolly gun. Still, he's been effective. You never have too many bullpen lugnuts. There's a huge contract to be absorbed. Considering all the Cubans that Hal "I'm Not Cheap" Steinbrenner passed on, he should have money in his silken purse belt. Papelbon has been tested in New York. Most of all, it will piss off Boston fans. That's worth something.

It might boil down to whether Papelbon will accept a non-closer role in a bullpen hierarchy. If not, hell with him. Also, the Phillies' addled brain trust seems to over-value their old roster like it's the Queen's personal egg bank. I'm saying a few non-studs should do it. And, of course, I'd happily throw in Stephen Drew. (Dreaming.) Unlike Cashman's, my wish list never changes.

10 comments:

Rufus T. Firefly said...

I'd rather have an entire roster of Drews than that clubhouse cancer.

Mustang said...

Now and then you hear about the Yankees' rumored no-assholes policy, presumably instituted in the wake of the younger, crazier A-Rod and my hero Garry Sheffield. Papelbon would be a flagrant violation.

Mustang said...

I'm with you, Rufus T.

ceeja said...

Sheffield sure could hit. I've never liked the guy, but he'd be better than the guy he replaces on the roster.

In the famous words of Lyndon Johnson, "He may be a S.O.B, but he's our S.O.B."

joe de pastry said...

I thought A-Rob was our S.O.B.

Paco said...

The SOB comment was supposed to have come from FDR, about Anastasio Somoza of Nicaragua. Also, I guess that duque still has his head immersed in a punch bowl of cheap scotch if he's pining for Papelbon. Shreve and Wilson are already posting numbers that equal Papelbon's, at a fraction of the cost and at much younger ages. Duque has definitely contracted a severe case of Cashmanitis.

jdrny said...

No one wants Drew. Period.

jdrny said...

Drew hitting.180. He won't Chang his approach to hitting. The guy's brain dead.

John M said...

Pining for Papelbon? Is that like Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs?

Tom said...

Screw Papelbon and the horse he rode in on. All-time Boston flake. Want no part of him.