Wednesday, July 22, 2015

With a five-game lead in the loss column, the Yankees now have only themselves to fear

This is Buck Is Stuck Week in the AL East, a series where the Yankees can - on paper, at least - turn the rest of the O's season into a quest for that horrible, terrible, wretched one-game Wild Card birth. If we split the next two, Baltimore leaves NY five down in the loss column. If we sweep them - ahhh, mama - they leave seven back... with only eight games remaining against us this season. So long, Bucko!

I looked it up: We play Toronto 13 times, have 10 with Boston and a measly six with the Tampons - who are now down by seven losses. Certainly, there is time enough to turn this hope into a cruel October joke. But make no mistake: It would take a full-scale, Buhner-for-Phelps, Sidney Ponsonesque Yankee collapse.

Which, we know, can happen.

I won't say how. No sense giving the juju gods ideas. But when you hoard old players, you live in a world of twitchy lumbagos and stubbed gonads. Between now and the Aug. 1 trade deadline, Brian Cashman will study injury reports each night, looking to secure a replacement before bad news even hits the wires. This is the scariest time of year, a week when we could make that deal that haunts us for decades. Let's hope this is the year when the front office finally salves our wounds with young Yankees, rather than bring in a red tide of Wally Whitehursts and Vernon Wellses. Or am I hallucinating, just thinking that could happen?

Let's run the lineup for replacement parts.

C: If McCann goes down... it's John Ryan Murphy and Austin Romine - (remember him?) He's having a fine season in Scranton. Romine could be a trade throw-in, but Cashman wouldn't get much a straight-up deal. They say the franchise stud, Gary "Jesus Montero II" Sanchez, is not ready. But Romine can backup. We'd miss McCann, but we wouldn't have to deal.

1B: If Tex goes down, trouble. Terrible trouble. The Evils will not promote Greg Bird from Scranton. He's too green. Garrett Jones, the obvious replacement, is a terrible, horrible, wretched fielder. Imagine all the game-saving scoops Tex has made... gone. This would be the disaster. We would have to make a deal.

2B: If the Merry-Go-Round gets hurt... bah! Who cares? For weeks now, fans have hoped Stephen Drew would get an erection lasting more than four hours and have to seek medical attention immediately - first sign of his bat all year. Hopefully, Rob Refsnyder or Jose Pirella - on a tear at Scranton - would finally get a chance.

SS-3B: If Gregorius or Headley go down, Drew or Brendan Ryan take over. Good fielding, no hitting. (In other words, not much change.)

DH-OF: If A-Rod or an outfielder goes down, trouble. Ugh. We can't afford to lose A-Rod or Brett Gardner. We simply can't afford to lose A-Rod or Brett Gardner. Have I stressed that enough? We could call up Ramon Flores or even Aaron Judge, the giant Scrantonian. Beltran would move to DH, maybe with Jones. We just CAN'T afford to lose... oh, you know...

Starters: If we lose Tanaka or Pineda, mingahhh. Adam Warren would take over. Then Chris Capuano. Luis Severino is throwing well at Scranton, but he's on an innings count. Cashman would probably trade the house for someone. This could be the stopgap deal that we rue for eternity.

Relievers: If Betances or Miller (again) go down... trouble. Severino might come up. The Yankees have used a scrap yard of Scranton relievers thus far. Hopefully, one would get hot. But Cashman would be all over the waiver wires, pulling people in. This gets ugly, fast.

Listen: We can no longer buy the notion that Baltimore, Boston or Tampa are secret championship teams just waiting to catch their stride and pull away from the pack. The AL East is ours to take. Only we stand in our way. So ice the wrists and rest the hips, boys. For want of a nail, the war was lost. For want of a tendon, so could the Yankees' season.


Tom said...

But what if Girardi twists a gonad in his fevered little brain? Maybe we could upgrade to Billy Martin's pickled corpse. I mean, I'm starting to get hooked on this season, paying closer attention, and seeing that Lil' Joe is too rigid, locked up tight as a twisted sphincter.

I mean you've got Bettances, but does that mean he has to be used in every 8th inning in every game, and then Miller is required for the 9th?

Is it not possible to actually send Shreve out to start another inning, and if the situation is still good bring Warren in for an inning-plus? That way, if they both do their jobs, maybe it's possible to save Bettances or Miller for Thursday, even if, as John and Suzyn claim, Leo Durocher said, "It might rain tomorrow."

Some of you have mentioned that Girardi is too robotic, and I've got to agree now.

jdrny said...

He goes to the same well again and again.

Those two need bionic arms to survive.

Rothschild is no help either.

John M said...

Rothschild aside, along with the Knights of Malta and all the other bogeymen of Lyndon Larouche, Girardi was praised last night post-game by Tex for his 'consistency.'

One man's consistency is another man's robotic tendencies. I'm the 'another'.

On another note, I just read Duque's post here and have to say if Stephen Drew has an erection lasting four hours, he might want to carry that into the game with him instead of a bat. Couldn't hit any worse.

Anonymous said...

Far too many are interested in the erections of Stephen Drew, on this site. As for Girardi's "robotics".......Six games up, and the Yankees look like winners. You don't have to like it, you don't have to watch it, but you should be able to appreciate a guy who gets an aging team six games up.......even someone who is as poor a writer as el.......