Tonight's moon phase: WANING CRESCENT


Tuesday, July 28, 2015

It's a J-Bomb from Sterl-Rod: Amazing photos of young John Sterling, before The Master learned to THUUUUUUUH

As a dedicated John Sterling blogger, I cannot estimate how many hours, days, years... I have burned in search of The Lost Polaroid - that is, a photograph of a young, raw-boned Sterling. I might as well have looked for Amelia Earhart's left boob. Nevertheless, this weekend, a message from Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside flashed upon my inbox, changing forever the Yankiverse, as driven by Jeep. It held a series of pictures... portraits of The Master as a young man.


Yes, the time is the 1970s. The place is WMCA Radio in New York. The shirt is - well - I'd say a Saturday night, bong water special. The eyes... let's just say he is high, he is far out, he is - gone!

This are screen grabs from a recent episode of L'Chayim, a talk show hosted by Rabbi Mark S. Golub, of which I am privileged to have been the 125th viewer on YouTube. Golub met The Master in the 1970s, when John was - get this - CAPTAIN OF THE WMCA BASEBALL NO-STARS. And John pitched and... batted third.

Check out this incredible form:

There it goes. It's a silver moment. Oh, John... you're Sterling!

Many years before John appeared in this iconic Yankee team photo at the White House...

He appeared with the WMCA All-Star team...

But John always planned to someday become THE MASTER.

Later, John took up the hair code and played for a team managed by the Rabbi. Again, he pitched and batted third.

I know what you're thinking: These pictures cannot be authenticated. In this age of Photoshop, anybody can fix images to produce anything. In fact, that leads to another theory, advanced by Pickett Burnside himself:

These are new shots: Yes, The 2015 Yankees have restored John Sterling's youth. Says Pickett Burnside.

"John's been like a kid again with the juice A-rod gave him.  In Saturday's  game (A-Rod's three homer game), at the top of the ninth, John said that Rodriguez, Teixeira, Beltran, Headley, and  Murphy were coming to bat.  I thought that sounded odd, considering there were only three outs left in the game. Then he added that if Gardner came up, it would be because the Yankees had rallied. The craziest thing: It all came true... 

"Last season, all John ever said was that they have no pop, they have no pop.  They would leave men on base, and you could hear his arms fall to the counter-top, plunk-plunk, in frustration. This year he's been optimistic. Stop watching the game on TV!"

Sir, you are so absolutely right.

Listen: Last winter, John lost practically everything he owned in a fire. That night, while tankers were pouring water onto the blaze, he was returning calls to newspaper reporters who had gone out of their way to savage him. Every year, the Yankees make him sweat out a new contract. He's long past retirement age, and a battalion of haters - some of whom simply hate everything about the Yankees - do whatever they can to mock him (from the safe distance of Seattle.) The guy hasn't missed a Yankee pitch in more than 25 years. He called every at bat throughout Derek Jeter's entire career.

Yep. Something has happened, all right. It's not Viagra or whatever John was smoking in 1973. It's Brett Gardner, it's A-Rod, it's Tex... It's the first team in four years to show a pulse in the ninth inning of a two-run game.

Enjoy the pictures. From now on, they shall occupy center stage in our Yankiverse. John Sterling is young again. And I bet he still owns that shirt.


Mustang said...

Have you considered the possibility that these pictures are from... THE FUTURE?

el duque said...

What do you mean? Or should I ask, what do you know?

Leinstery said...

A+ el duque

Leinstery said...

John looks like a Jewish Mickey Mantle.

ceeja said...

I used to listen to him on WMCA, and Phil Rizzuto used to make fun of Sterling's blow-dried long hair. So these pictures have the ring of truth.

Alphonso said...

I feel as though you have just discovered the " second" Mona Lisa, which is rumored to exist.

I am going to look in my barn for other old photos and artwork.

This is a coup. I feel our blog franchise is now worth millions.

Anonymous said...

I found my new screen saver! Christmas came early. Thank you, Duque!!

Anonymous said...

a southpaw??

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

Thank you El Dookie? Who do you think the 124th YouTube viewer was? And the FIRST CATHOLIC!

But yes Anon, Sterling the Stentorian Southpaw is a LEFTY! Which caused unending cognitive dissonance when I found he used to fill in for Bob Grant on WMCA. Bob Grant HATED it when the Yankees pre-empted his radio show, but I'm sure he didn't mind when John gave him a night off.

Which all reminds me that there is another Sterling YouTube video... one which purports to be a tape of John's show from the night Billy Martin was announced as manager. I haven't listened to it yet but I predict that John predicts baseball, accurately.

As for John's athleticism, I can only ask... why God? Yes, you blessed John a radio voice and spited him with a radio face... but wasn't that enough? You made him blind to a high softball behind the plate and blind to a low fastball behind the mic? At least you answered my pleas to not waste those two extra inches on my height. You put his on his nose!

John M said...

If only his abode was spared and Capistrano went down in flames instead.

Oh wait, he is going now.

Yeah, don't give the start to your best starter, Adam Warren. Have to conserve him to bail out this schmuck.

John M said...

Capistrano is doing great. Just one bad inning.

John M said...

Somebody 'splain what a great manager Girardi is again?

Yeah, I'm really pissed off.

John M said...

We have offense, mofo!

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Was it my imagination, or was Capistrano just not getting the low pitches today? Most of those walks did not look bad.

And yes, the offense arrived in the second.

Anonymous said...

I bet that shirt burned in the fire.