Monday, December 29, 2008

Yanksclusive: The Top 10 Yankee Stories in 2008 that the Yankaganda Media Didn't Want You to Know

1. Before Madonna, Alex Rodriguez dated Condoleezza Rice. Distress over her globe-trotting ways undermined his ability to hit with runners in scoring position.


2. The Japanese signed Darrel Rasner in hopes of unlocking the ultimate energy source. They want to learn how his 88-mile-an-hour fastball is converted into a titantic, 450-foot blast, the kind that could power an entire city.

3. Redsock Kevin Youkilis has a rare brain disease that requires a severe impact trauma to the skull periodically. If he does not receive a blow to the head during Yankee games, his own trainers must administer one with a shovel.

4. Hideki Matsui’s wife, whom the slugger took pains to shield from the public, turned out to be a man.

5. Before A-Rod, Madonna dated Condoleezza Rice. Her distress over world events undermined Madonna's ability to workout with runners in scoring position.

6. During the excavatons of Yankee Stadium, construction crews found the remains of the Broadway musical ‘Young Frankenstein."

7. After one big victory last April, John Sterling’s vocal chords became locked in a 38-minute "thu-u-u-uh", which ended only after Suzyn Waldman doused the veteran broadcaster with a cold bucket of Snapple. Doctors warned Sterling to keep all win-warbles at less than 8 seconds, or he will die during one.

8. Melky Cabrera, during a game against Oakland, astounded teammates by calculating Pi to the 190th digit in his head. Unfortunately, he went 0-4 with two strikeouts.


9. Bobby Abreu's wariness of walls stems from conception. Doctors say Bobby may have watched his twin brother die in the womb after crashing into the intestinal wall, while chasing a white blood cell.



10. The actual first phone call made after the death of Heath Ledger was not to Mary Kate. Before calling the supertwin, the house crew phoned for an update on the Yankee-Twins game.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

They also didn't want us to know that Madonna dated Condoleezza Rice before she moved on to A-Rod.