Yankeetorial: Let's dump Boston and make the Twins our "rivalry"

Without us, Boston would be nothing more than Cleveland with clam chowder.

For 10 years now, the Redsocks have marketed themselves as the "arch rivals" of the Yankees. They've practiced Jihad with the intensity of one of bin Laden's 30 wives, and it's worked for them, financially. Hate sells. They're business model more resembles the John Birch Society than any other sports franchise.

Lately, Tampa wants into the payday, too. Build their franchise identity out of hatred for the Yankees. (BTW: That's why neither team beats the Angels. There's nothing in it for them.)

Let's drop Boston and Tampa from the "rivalry." Let's ho-hum them. It's boring. Why pump up teams in the AL East. The hell with them. Let's give our hate points to a worthy opponent: Minnesota.

The Twins -- those dirty bastards -- have played three thrilling games here, each won by a walkout Yankee hit. NOW THAT'S A RIVALRY I APPRECIATE !

But moreso, I've had it -- UP TO HERE -- with the antics of these suckass Twins.

That Mauer guy, barreling into Gardner? Deliberate attempt to provoke a fight. And dammot, he should get one. TEN DOLLAR BOUNTY!

That Jesse Crane? HE NEEDS TO PAY FOR THAT SMIRK ON HIS FACE WHILE DAMON WAS CIRCLING THE BASES! TEN DOLLAR BOUNTY!

That little Punto dirtbag? I'M SICK OF WATCHING HIM FAKE-BUNT. COMON, YA BASTARD, BUNT OR DON'T BUNT! NO MORE OF THAT FAKE BUNT CRAP. TEN DOLLAR BOUNTY.

WE NEED TO BEAT THESE BASTARDS.

JIHAD! THE TWINS MUST PAY! NOW!