Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Yankeetorial: Has the GOP taken over the Yankiverse?

Here's the scenario: You're shipwrecked on an island. One native, Theo, has a cooler full of beer - real beer, not the microbrewery crapola with berry flavor. He extracts an icy brown bottle - Matt Garza Lager - and offers it to you for your firstborn child, named Jesus. Another native pulls out Edwin Jackson Ale, which you can have for that garbage bag full of waterlogged cash. What to do? Trade your legacy - or the soggy paper, which is useless on this island, because there are no stores.

That's us, the Yankees. We need a second starter. Should we trade our future (the prospects) or our past (the cash)? The answer should be obvious.

But lately, it's as if Mitch McConnell is running the Yankiverse.

Go to any Yankee blog, and you'll hear how the Yankees must be frugal, must cut payroll to avoid the dreaded luxury tax, must get below the salary cap (Yep, that's what it is, a de facto salary cap) - and MUST fall in line with the KC Royals and Pittsburgh Pirates. We just can't afford Roy Oswalt. We just can't afford Hiroki Kuroda. They'll cost too much money -- in luxury tax!

WTF? Why are we, Yankee fans, worrying about Hank and Hal Steinbrenner's opportunities to bank more personal money? When did that become our objective? Do we want a pennant, or for them to buy another boat? If the Yankees must pay a luxury tax, so what? Since when is it more important to be cheap than to win the pennant?

Which brings me to Edwin Jackson.

He went 12-9 last year for the World Champion Cardinals. He's 28. He threw 199 innings. He's ready for New York. To get him, we do not have to sacrifice our first-born child. We merely dip into the garbage bag of money - ridiculous paper money - which comes from tickets that cost $1,500 a seat.

Listen: Sign Edwin Jackson, and we win the 2012 AL East.

Folks, it's that simple. Sign Jackson, win the Division.

It's right there. Sign him, and we put a sizeable gap between us and the rest of the AL East. Be cheap, and we'll end up paying more in July anyway. The only thing holding us back is our willingness to be Mitch McConnell - to do whatever it takes to avoid a luxury tax... so Hank and Hal will have more money, and we have fewer wins.

Sign Edwin Jackson, and we win the Division.

Luxury tax? So what? It's money. Trust me: The Steinbrothers will have plenty left over to buy the microbrewery crapola - even with the berry flavoring. (I'm figuring Hal likes it, but not Hank.) Get out the bag of money, Yankees. And fellow bloggers - yes, I love you all - but if your goal as a fan is to save the owner money, pick a secondary team and make it the Milwaukee Brewers.

5 comments:

JM said...

Oh, yeah. Now I remember why I don't read other Yankee blogs anymore.

Thanks for the reminder!

Anonymous said...

isn't this the same blog that insisted John Lackey be signed two years ago?

oh right. it is.

el duque said...

We would have won in 2010 with Lackey. And last year, he would not have been tainted by the chicken wings and beer of the Boston clubhouse. There is an alternative universe where we signed Lackey, and we are now working on three straight World Championships.

In that universe, they will listen to me know and sign Jackson. They'll be going for number 4.

tom from GA said...

yeah, I don't imagine Hank or Hal are going to go begging, even if they do spend more for pitchers and pay more luxury tax. I do object to the sell-low, buy-high strategy that doomed the Yankees before Cashman gained control. It's hard to see how the two management styles are not mutually exclusive.

el duque said...

It's making horrible trades that caused us to fall apart. My philosphy: All the Yankees need to do is develop prospects and sign free agents. Teams do not give us any bargains, and they're going to always blame the Yankees for high player salaries, no matter what we do. So screw them. Sign Edwin Jackson, and don't deal Jesus.