Monday, December 29, 2014

Our lucky horse head is gone

Today, Shawn Kelley, the Yankee bullpen lug nut known for mixing overpowering performances with brutal whippings, was dealt to the San Diego Padres - (yes, Virginia, there is a San Diego Padres) - for a middling, 22-year-old, Double A, RH relief pitching prospect named - (cue the Scarface soundtrack) - Johnny Barbato. 

This is one of those Cashman clunkers that makes no sense, unless he is hatching some secondary plan. Seriously. Cash is many things, but he is not stupid. The Yankee rotation is in tatters, and yet the team just jettisons a voracious innings-eater (he did 52 IP last year). Something else has gotta be coming. Even if it was a salary dump, the Evils only save $4 million. That's not enough to make it worth losing a bullpen chip.

Most of all, I will miss Kelley's horse head - the ugliest Yankee player juju since Jason Giambi's golden thong. In August, Kelley bought the thing on line and wore it during pregame warm-ups. The Yankees rattled off five straight wins. Unfortunately, Kelley then started telling people about it. That's how you kill a juju charm. (Since I wrote The Juju Rules, the Yankees haven't won a toilet flush.) So long, Mr. Ed. A horse is a horse, of course, of course...


Celerino Sanchez said...

When suddenly johnny gets the feeling he's being surrounded by
Horses, horses, horses, horses
Coming in in all directions
White shining silver studs with their nose in flames,
He saw horses, horses, horses, horses, horses, horses, horses, horses.
Do you know how to pony like bony maroney

Bill from Manhattan said...

Why do you take it as a matter of faith that Cashman is not stupid? I think he fairly oozes stupidity: the affectless drone of corporate-speak; the dull, heavy-lidded eyes; the spineless subservience to the Steinspawn. This is the abysm of stupid.

el duque said...


He hasn't been fired. Considering the Yankees' record, that reflects an amazing, lizard-like survival instinct, which borders on genius. If he can just channel those ancient bicameral brain functions into the 40-man roster, we're in!

Hermodorus said...

Traded for a guy who needs TJ. WTF.

Bill from Manhattan said...

He hasn't been fired? This is sheer dumb luck--and I do mean dumb. He happened to have stumbled into bosses who are even more stupid than he is.