Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Hal speaks: "The last month has been promising. The offense up and down the line is starting to produce... I like what I've seen."

In recent years, much has been written about the "two Americas," seen by the rich and poor. The wealthy inhabit a paradise of foot-massages, spray-on orange tans and on-demand live accordion music. The rest of us make do with canned dog food from China, and white tube socks purchased in flea markets of despair. If it wasn't for our wild, rampant hobo sex - (and, of course, the Yankees) - we'd have nothing to live for.

Clearly, billionaire Hal "Food Stamps" Steinbrenner sees a different Yankee team than the rest of us. The world always looks better from a luxury box.

Food Stamps sees a 2016 Wild Card. He sees paychecks, not batting averages. He sees Neilsen points, not ages. He sees games behind, not overall record.

What I've seen lately were the A's, Angels and Twins - three tomato cans that might be Dinty Moore Beef Stew if they played in the Pacific Coast League. They somehow lost to us all but once. Against everyone else, it's been blown saves, blown leads, blown tires and blow jobs from the YES corporate cud-regurgitation machine.

But something has changed. Over the last several weeks, one clarion cry has emerged from the Yankee fan base:

It's time to rebuild. It's time to change our ways. It's time to sell and to think about next year. It's time to turn the page on old contracts and old players, and to start planning for a new generation of Yankees.

Some would say we're being negative. I disagree. In fact, over the last two years, conversations with Redsock fans - though dispirited by the standings - always carried a high measure of hope for the future. They looked at young players and liked what they saw. They never had to watch their team collapse from old age and tired bones.

These calls for change come from all points of the Yankiverse - from the NY Post to River Ave to the comments sections of every Yankee blog. Almost universally, Yankee fans are tired of old, injury-prone teams chasing the last Wild Card berth.

Unfortunately, for the Yankees to launch a rebuilding plan would mean the front office must recognize the rank mismanagement that we fans see with every glimpse of the standings.

Yeesh, you'd think we were playing in the World Series. We're battling to climb above .500.

Obviously, we should not put stock in anything Food Stamps says. They're talking points, that's all. Hal is trying to sell a few tickets before the collapse becomes undeniable. It's always easy to see the bright side when you're getting a foot massage.


John M said...

An old friend is going to be in town tomorrow. He lived in Denver for many years after our upstate childhood and formed an attachment to the Rockies (you think we have it bad), so we're going to the game as walk-ups. But we will only buy the cheapest seats possible, which means bringing a lot of sunscreen.

Is sunscreen still allowed by stadium security?

Alphonso said...

It can't be in liquid form, or in a package of more than 2 ounces.

There is a sunscreen formula from Indonesia made of refined and crushed pebbles. It is available at any farmers market in chinatown.

The concoction removes the layer of skin about to be burned.

The Yankees have co-branded promotions with them.

You get a NY emblazoned shaker of pebble dust and a Chase Headley bobblehead doll.

Anonymous said...