There's nothing like a blowout and no one like Didi

Lately, Alphonso has become the Anthony Weiner of phone juju. Every game, he unleashes a storm of furious texts from his Hollywood love perch, yowling like Trump whenever a Yankee - (even Aaron Judge!) - fails to drive in a runner. To read these messages, you'd think we were down by five, when actually - as in the case last night - we can be ahead. 

But once the Yankees take a comfortable lead - you know, six or eight runs, as we've enjoyed the last three nights - it's radio silence. As far as I can tell, Alphonso must have ditched the phone and gone out clubbing with Khloe, Taylor or Lorde - or appearing in some animal charity photo ops - you know, what people do in the land of La La. 

Which brings me to the last three luxurious, fun-packed and thoroughly comfortable nights, over which we have humbled Porky Porcello, Vincent Price and Al Bundy, whom Showalter had been touting in his imaginary new world order. It's amazing what a couple hits from the bottom of your batting order can mean to a team.  

But today, I'm here to talk about Mariekson Julius Gregorius, the looming American League MVP.

There, I said it. And I'm not taking it back. During the Bleacher Creatures' first--inning roll call, they shout full names of each Yankee, until SS. Then they just chantl "DIDI." It is amazing to realize that the franchise just bade farewell to one of its all-time greats, Derek Jeter, and yet his departure has meant virtually no downside in on-field production. Didi has been Jeter. He's hitting .322 - third best among MLB shortstops. Factor in that he missed a month, and his 5 HRs would be 9 or 10 by now, making him the most productive offensive shortstop in the game. Xander Bogaerts - who Boston fans relentlessly tout, (and who pushed Didi to play 2B in the World Baseball Classic, causing him to hurt his shoulder) - has only 2 HRs in 218 at bats. Listen: Didi is fucking better than Bogaerts. Understand? BETTER!

And he is improving. He is just 27. Fun fact: Didi was born in the Netherlands and speaks four languages, including Papiamento - whatever that is. (Jeez, he could be like Amy Adams in that "Arrival" movie, translating for the space alien octopussies.) In January, he toured New Zealand to give clinics on baseball. Last year, he won the "Heart and Hustle Award," presented by the MLB Players Alumni Association for embodying the values, spirit and tradition of the game. 

I am choosing my words very carefully here, because I do not take these things lightly: 

Didi Gregorius is on the verge of becoming a great Yankee.

We talk a lot about Tyler Wade and Glyber Torres on this site. Well, as far as I can see, Didi isn't moving. He has at least two more years as Yankee shortstop, then maybe he moves to 2B or 3B. Last year, he hit 20 HRs. This year, he could easily, despite missing six weeks, hit 25. He is the best trade Cashman ever made (though Hicks may have something to say about that.) And I have never, not once, heard Alphonso text-whine about Didi. Some things are simply too sacred.

Folks, we have the best goddamm shortstop in baseball. And I am 100 percent willing to testify to that in court.