If Trump were running the Yankees, he'd be talking about "a Second Amendment solution," and the crowd would chant, "LOCK HIM UP!" If Alphonso were running the team, it would be worse. Things got so bad last night for Tyler Clippard that he was trending on Twitter. It's a cruel world, the Yankiverse.
Brutal, indeed. So this is how it's done, the modern day tar-and-feathering. The guy gets booed off the mound, pecked apart by the locker room media, then he becomes a Twitterverse pinata - en route to Scranton, or Tampa, or his home town, Lexington, Kentucky. My guess is that soon - this week or next - Tyler "the Yankee" Clippard will throw his final pitches in New York, if not in MLB. Not even the unmovable Girardi can simply continue to run him out there to get bombed, humiliated and mocked. His ERA in the last seven outings - according to somebody on Twitter - is 21.21. Frankly, I figured it would be worse - closer to infinity than zero.
Well, it's time for a tired arm, or a mystery ailment. Clippard needs 10 days on the DL - time off for bad behavior. He needs to read "Gravity's Rainbow," do a paint-and-sip, get laid, climb a small mountain, binge watch House of Cards - get his head straight. He needs time away from the grist mill. Nobody needs to hear boos that loudly, that incessantly, even if they are that well deserved. We're watching a guy self-immolate... in frame-by-frame YES-Mo replays. We're seeing the Tyler Clippard story - tragic for the Yankees since he was traded 10 years ago for Jonathan Albaladejo - play out to its logical conclusion. The Diamondbacks knew it last year, when they traded him for a scrap heap prospect. The guy is 32. In another universe, we kept him, and he's a beloved Yankee bullpen lug nut. But in this one, he's Kyle Farnsworth, and he's about to say "Farewell."
Brutal, yeah. The worst part of being the team that collects old guys is watching them struggle to the final destination. We saw it with Chris Carter, and I swear, up to the final strikeout, I was still holding my breath, hoping for a miracle. But over means over. Now it's Clippard. And it will soon be over.
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Growing pains of a rebuilding team, but a striking collapse all the same. Dude probably should have been gone already. Feels late at this point.
There are many funny tweets on that list but my favorite, in this week of Zen koans is:
Why don't they let Tyler Clippard pitch to Chris Carter?
It's consistent with Alphonso's brilliant:
If the Yankees win six in a row and then lose six in a row, do they exist?
So I'll ask: If Clippard pitches to Carter, do the Yankees lose, and does one hand clap?
THE FIRST GUY WAS RIGHT.
CLIPPARD HAS BEEN SO OVER WORKED, HE LITERALLY NEEDS A 7 - 10 DAY DL STINT.
WHICH SPEAKS TO THE PARTIAL INSANITY ON HOW GIRARDI OPERATES.
HE IS ALWAYS SO CONCERNED ABOUT RESTING EVERYONE (PITCHERS, AND POSITION PLAYERS).
EXCEPT FOR TYLER CLIPPARD!
INSANE!
P.S.) CLIPPARD WAS ACTUALLY USEFUL UNTIL 2 AND A HALF WEEKS AGO...
GIRARDI HAS COMPLETELY BURNED HIM OUT.
We should see what the Dutch Tweets are saying.
We won't, of course, be able to understand them.
But we'll get the gist.
They will be about Tyler Clippard and Joe Girardi.
I still like Ty. He's still not the guy. I say that with a sigh.
What if he got high? Give the Doc Ellis thing a try.
Then hit Girardi with a pie. And (please, Hal) wave bye-bye.
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