"A fully operational Death Star?" What a strange and sad way to describe the Yankees.

Over the decades, it's rare to find Brian "Cooperstown" Cashman cracking a funny. Generally, he doesn't do ha-ha. He's a "meat and potatoes"... "just the facts, ma'am"... "get offa my lawn" type of guy. Yesterday, he let his hair down - (oops, bad analogy) - and called the Yankees "a fully operational Death Star," a phrase popping from the gut of a Yankiverse from a long long time ago and far, far away.

Wow. What a line! Remember the 1990s? The Yankees were "the Evil Empire," (and Boston the innocent rebellion), throwing money at free agents and dominating the sport. Today, the Yankees are neither Evil - as in buying pennants - or an Empire, as in winning them. What they are is an American League Wild Card Game fixture, and, in fact, today they stand poised as front-runners for the 2019 Wild Card. 

Yes, we are the 2019 Yankee Silver Medalist First Runner-Up Wild Card Team of Post-Season Possibilities! (TM)  

Calling ourselves "the Evil Empire" is sort of like Nintendo declaring itself the future of self-driving cars, or Kirstie Alley imagining herself back on the set of Cheers. The world has changed, folks and, for the Yankees, not for the better. 
Personally, I would have called the Yankees "a fully formed Ice Planet Hoth," alluding to Hal Steinbrenner's freeze on long-term salaries. And Cashman could describe himself as "a regular Admiral Ackbar," (featured, right) who - as we all know - masterminded the rebel insurgence on Endor after being bushwhacked by the Buttholeians on Bumfuk, or whatever they are selling these days on that miserable Disney franchise. (In fact, if you want a metaphor, compare the Yankees to the once-great Star Wars brand name, which now occupies a level somewhere between Chucky and The Purge.)

There's something weirdly Sunset Boulevard about Cashman's comment. It came as the Yankees were wheedling over the third year of JA Happ's contract. Yesterday morning, Ken Rosenthal broke the story that the Yankees had reached an agreement with Happ. Then, almost immediately, he walked it back. By mid-afternoon, the deal looked shaky. Around dinner, it was finalized, and Cashman made his Death Star money quote, clucking as if he just bought the rights to Betty Grable's legs.

So, WTF happened? Here's a thought: Once that deal was leaked to Rosenthal, it became a fait accompli: The Yankees would look cheap and hapless - literally, get it? - if they jumped ship. So, here's a question: Did the leak come from Happ's people or from someone inside the Yankees? Either way, it pressured Hal to give a 36-year-old pitcher an optional third year at $17 million, if he throws enough innings in year two. 

Next year, Happ will already be older than Patrick Corbin will be at the finish of his six-year-contract with Washington, a deal the Yankees refused to offer. And Corbin is a better pitcher than Happ. So... did we hold the line? I mean, WTF?

Listen: I'm not complaining that the Yankees signed Happ. After Corbin and Nathan Eovaldi went off the market, we had no choice. But Happ's fastball cooled noticeably late last season, and at 36 - good grief - he's a trap door, waiting to collapse. Our depth chart still lists CC Sabathia as fifth starter. Should we expect either of them to last through August? Corbin was the answer to the Yankee pitching problem. We clutched our wallet and walked away.  

Anybody who thinks "the Evil Empire" has returned because we just signed JA Happ - wow, that's some serious Jar Jar Binks. Now... if we sign Manny Machado or Bryce Harper, then we'll have the right to swagger. In the meantime, Cashman should remember what generally happens to fully functional death stars. Their track record isn't so good.