Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Damned Yankees

From the Broadway-infused mind of Doug K.

DAMNED YANKEES

WE OPEN, NOT IN THE SENATORS LOCKER ROOM, BUT IN THE 2018 NEW YORK YANKEES BOARDROOM. PRESENT ARE HAL, BRIAN, LONN TROST and RANDY LEVINE.

Brian Cashman: Gentlemen we just lost out on Corbin. He wanted a sixth year can you imagine? 

Hal: What did you say? 

Brian: I said, how dare you sir! 

Levine: We’re as good as the Sox anyway! 

Hal: Better, because we are the ultimate winners!

Brian: Why’s that Hal? 

HAL:
You’ve gotta have cash.
Wads and wads and wads of cash.
Doesn’t matter if the team ever wins.
Our season ends and begins… with cash! 

BRIAN:
We must make the green. Een-een-een 
In amounts that are obscene. Een-een-een.
Who cares if the fans all feel ill? 
We did three mil.
That’s green.

HAL: 
Just give the fans hope. Ope-ope-ope.
Then bend them over for the soap. Ope-ope-ope.
Tell them all to just sit back and relax
We've reset the tax. That's hope. 

LEVINE:
Build a Bar out in the Bleachers 

ALL:
Ha-ha- ha.

TROST:
Charge them twenty bucks a brew.

ALL:
Hoo-hoo-hoo.

LEVINE: 
And price out the bleacher creatures. 

ALL:
Ha-ha-ha.

TROST:
Cause they can’t afford to sue. 

HAL: 
There’s nothing to it we should do it. 

ALL:
Watch us gloat Oat-oat-oat…

LEVINE:
Say, why don’t we build a moat? Oat-oat-oat.

BRIAN:
Oh, it's fine to win the series of course 
But keep all those fans under the lash
First we gotta make cash. 

HAL:
So, you say we need a pitcher? 

ALL:
Who? Who? Who?

HAL:
What’s the frugal thing to do? 

ALL:
Hoo-hoo-hoo.

HAL:
I mean what will make me richer?

ALL:
Hmm-hmm-hmm.

BRIAN:
Sign a guy whose forty-two. 
There’s nothing to it, we should do it. 


ALL
We make cash. 
Piles and piles and piles of cash.
Doesn’t matter if the Sox pass us by. 
As long as we try… 
For cash.

LEVINE:
Who minds those pop bottles flyin'?

TROST:
The hisses and the boos.

HAL
The team has been consistent.

BRIAN:
Let’s start spreading the news…

ALL:
That we're laughin' cause... We've got cash!
We've got cash... We've got cash! 

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

GOTTA MAKE THE GREEN- EEN-EEN EEN...

HAL SAYS "CHAMPIONSHIP CALIBER" TEAM- EEM-EEM-EEM..

GREAT STUFF!

TheWinWarblist said...

We should fire bomb the executive suite.

Anonymous said...

WHAT SCARES ME IS WE ARE NEVER WILLING TO OVERPAY FOR ANY FREE AGENT....

WE WILL NEVER GET ANOTHER ONE!

THEY ALL COST RIDICULOUS MONEY, BUT THEY ALL GET OVERPAID EVERY SINGLE YEAR!

SO, WTF?

IS THAT IT?

NO MORE FREE AGENTS FOREVER FOR THE NY YANKEES?

....BUT WE ALWAYS HAVE THE GREAT COOP CASHMAN TO MAKE THOSE "TEAM CONTROL" DEALS.

F@CK THAT NOISE.

Joe of AZ said...

After the Corbin debacle I realized...what we have going on besides Grinchy Hal offering contacts that amount to a hill of beans is a product of this upcoming generation (hate to sound all ancient being I'm in my late 20s) But Young folks don't care about legacy or history or prestige or even winning for that matter this generation is "show me the money in the quickest way and requires the least effort ala Manny (soon sancheZ. Unless the Yanks plan on Fielding a team fit for the yomuri Giants..I don't think the Yanks are gonna ever get "their guy" w/o adjusting and throwing millions


Oh and yes it's been awhile but FUCK BOONE

TheWinWarblist said...

Oh yes. Please fuck Boone righteously with Randy Levine's fucking diseased sacrum.

Anonymous said...

BTW, NICE JOB BY GOOD OL RANDY GIVING THE RED SOX BULLETIN BOARD MATERIAL FOR 2019.

"WE ARE AS GOOD AS THE RED SOX".

I SEE IT WAS ALL OVER THE SPORTS NEWS MEDIA IN BOSTON.

GREAT WORK RL...

WE ARE ALREADY BEHIND THE 8-BALL FOR NEXT SEASON.

THIS OFF-SEASON, SO FAR, HAS BEEN A FUCKING DISASTER.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Fantastic-freakin'-work, Dough K.!

I'd go see that tomorrow! Even at Broadway prices!!

Anonymous said...

Anyone else see / hear Kay drop the ‘Foodstamps’ remark during his show today!?!?!

It’s amaIng. The clip is on the YES page on Twitter. It’s at the very end of the ‘YOU CANT TELL ME MACHADO WOULDN’T MAKE THIS TEAM BETTER’ clip where he’s slobbering all over the microphone.

Point is... he reads this website definitely.

KD said...

Anon, can you give us a link?

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