Damned Yankees

From the Broadway-infused mind of Doug K.

DAMNED YANKEES

WE OPEN, NOT IN THE SENATORS LOCKER ROOM, BUT IN THE 2018 NEW YORK YANKEES BOARDROOM. PRESENT ARE HAL, BRIAN, LONN TROST and RANDY LEVINE.

Brian Cashman: Gentlemen we just lost out on Corbin. He wanted a sixth year can you imagine? 

Hal: What did you say? 

Brian: I said, how dare you sir! 

Levine: We’re as good as the Sox anyway! 

Hal: Better, because we are the ultimate winners!

Brian: Why’s that Hal? 

HAL:
You’ve gotta have cash.
Wads and wads and wads of cash.
Doesn’t matter if the team ever wins.
Our season ends and begins… with cash! 

BRIAN:
We must make the green. Een-een-een 
In amounts that are obscene. Een-een-een.
Who cares if the fans all feel ill? 
We did three mil.
That’s green.

HAL: 
Just give the fans hope. Ope-ope-ope.
Then bend them over for the soap. Ope-ope-ope.
Tell them all to just sit back and relax
We've reset the tax. That's hope. 

LEVINE:
Build a Bar out in the Bleachers 

ALL:
Ha-ha- ha.

TROST:
Charge them twenty bucks a brew.

ALL:
Hoo-hoo-hoo.

LEVINE: 
And price out the bleacher creatures. 

ALL:
Ha-ha-ha.

TROST:
Cause they can’t afford to sue. 

HAL: 
There’s nothing to it we should do it. 

ALL:
Watch us gloat Oat-oat-oat…

LEVINE:
Say, why don’t we build a moat? Oat-oat-oat.

BRIAN:
Oh, it's fine to win the series of course 
But keep all those fans under the lash
First we gotta make cash. 

HAL:
So, you say we need a pitcher? 

ALL:
Who? Who? Who?

HAL:
What’s the frugal thing to do? 

ALL:
Hoo-hoo-hoo.

HAL:
I mean what will make me richer?

ALL:
Hmm-hmm-hmm.

BRIAN:
Sign a guy whose forty-two. 
There’s nothing to it, we should do it. 


ALL
We make cash. 
Piles and piles and piles of cash.
Doesn’t matter if the Sox pass us by. 
As long as we try… 
For cash.

LEVINE:
Who minds those pop bottles flyin'?

TROST:
The hisses and the boos.

HAL
The team has been consistent.

BRIAN:
Let’s start spreading the news…

ALL:
That we're laughin' cause... We've got cash!
We've got cash... We've got cash!